Page 31 of Losing Sleep
“Then what are you afraid of?” Grey continued to watch me, and my fingers lifted self-consciously to my bun, playing with a strand of hair that had escaped its confines.
“I’m not afraid. I just don’t want to swim.” More accurately, I didn’t want to take the risk. While it appeared safe enough on the surface, something could go wrong. Somehow, I got the feeling that Grey could see right through my excuse. He watched me a moment more, taking in my every gesture, and I shifted awkwardly under his scrutiny. He seemed to find what he was looking for before giving a decisive nod.
“Chicken,” Grey said, looking straight at me, his brow quirked, issuing the same kind of challenge he’d used at the cheese outlet to get me to step outside my comfort zone. It was the same expression that had convinced me to try root beer milk—and was absolutely not what I had been expecting. I’d thought he would back down. Maybe try one more half-hearted attempt to get me to join in before following Tory and Trent to the river without a backward glance. Instead, he’d thrown out the challenge, pushing my buttons once more.
“Excuse me?” I glared at Grey, determined not to let his tactics work on me again. It was one thing to try a new flavor of milk. It was something else entirely to jump into a flowing river so deep I couldn’t touch the bottom.
“You heard me. What happened to the brave Audrey who tried cheese curds without flinching?”
I threw my hands in the air, exasperated. “There’s a big difference between trying new foods and swimming in a river.”
“You said you can swim, right?” Grey raised one finger.
“Yes, but—”
“You have a lifejacket?” A second finger joined the first.
I gestured at a red vest in the trunk of the car. “I do—”
“And you trust us to protect you and help you?” He raised a third finger, challenge written in every ridge of his body.
“Yes,” I said in exasperation. “Skills and support aren’t the problem. What if I genuinely don’t want to?”
Even as I shot the question back at him, it rang false. A part of me, a long dormant part of myself that I’d stopped listening to around the time I’d started dating Lyle, wanted to jump into the river. But what if that part of myself was wrong? What if there was a valid reason for ignoring it and sticking with the safe, steady option of reading on the shore?
Grey crossed his arms over his chest, watching me. “I don’t think that’s it. I think you’re scared.”
I hadn’t grown up with siblings, but something about the way Grey quirked his eyebrow made me think this was how it felt to have an overbearing older brother. Though, the feelings I was developing for Grey felt far from brotherly.
“I’m not scared,” I shot back, rising to the bait, knowing I didn’t have to argue with him, but unable to resist.
“That’s the only reason I can think of for why you won’t. Because I highly doubt your book is interesting enough to beat swimming in a river warmed by one of the world’s largest volcanoes.” Grey gestured to the river behind us as it flowed and churned over rocks, the shrieks of other swimmers enjoying themselves underscoring his every word.
I bit my lip, waffling. Seeming to sense my weakening, Grey stepped closer to me, his expression softening.
“If you’re genuinely afraid and don’t want to do this, I’ll stop pushing. But I don’t want you living with the regret of not experiencing something so unique. How many chances will you have to swim in Yellowstone?”
“When Tory’s your friend, more often than you’d think.” My quip was half-hearted, and he knew it. The fact that he cared enough about me to stop pushing if I needed him to warmed me in unexpected ways.
I could do this. I could be brave enough to jump into the river, risk the loss of control. Trade safety and perfect makeup for memories and an adventure.
“Not all who wander…” Grey trailed off, and I bit back a laugh at the completely out-of-context quote, and yet, it was the perfect thing to say.
“Fine.” I shoved the chair back into the car, trading it for the lifejacket. “But if I drown or have a terrible time, I’m blaming you.” I poked a finger into Grey’s chest, ignoring the warmth that spread up my arm at the contact.
He just grinned, covering my hand with his and giving it a squeeze before breaking contact and heading towards to the river. Had his pulse also jumped at the contact?
We followed Tory over some rocks, down to a spot in the river where people were jumping in.
“Everyone have their lifejackets?” Tory called over the sounds of laughter and splashing water. “We’re not cliff jumping. There’s a rock in the river that, once you reach it, you can jump from into the current. It takes some maneuvering to get to, but it’s the best way to experience the Firehole.”
We all nodded, tugging at buckles and straps to ensure our lifejackets were secure. Tory stepped into the water first, Trent close behind her. I went to follow but hesitated. While I’dclaimed not to be afraid up by the car, the nerves I’d been fighting through my entire exchange with Grey chose that exact moment to rear their ugly head.
I looked at the river in front of me and attempted to swallow down my misgivings. Instead, they lodged in my throat, making it hard to breathe.It’s just swimming, Audrey. You’ve been swimming before.I’d been swimming in lakes and rivers, even the ocean, before. While the current was strong enough to create a few rapids in this stretch of the river, it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.
The arguments against getting in continued to stack up, eclipsing my confidence and making it impossible for me to take another step towards the water.You can’t do this. It’s a terrible idea.Each word rang with an odd sense of familiarity, spoken in a deep man’s voice that I refused to examine too closely.
As I watched, a guy jumped off a rock in the river into the current with a yell, disappearing below the water. A few moments later he popped up down river, punching a fist into the air with a whoop of victory.
