Page 41 of Losing Sleep
“There’s space for one more.” Alex waved to a patch of carpet in front of him.
Kylie shook her head, waving her phone. “I need to work on some emails. Work doesn’t wait, even when I’m on vacation. Am I right, Audrey?”
Her words made my stomach clench as I wondered what I was missing by not checking my work messages or emails. Refusing to give into the anxiety, I shook my head.
“I’m on vacation. They’ll survive without me.” If I said the words, maybe I’d believe them.
I took my place at the head of the group in front of the wall of windows, one of my favorite features of the cabin. I settled cross-legged on the floor, placing my hands on my knees, and encouraged the group to follow suit. They sat on spare towels we’d grabbed from the linen closet. While not as comfortable as yoga mats, I hoped the towels would at least be softer than the carpet.
I breathed in deeply through my nose, noting the subtle aroma of moth balls, and used the flow of air to anchor myself before jumping in. I encouraged everyone to breathe deep and clear their minds. I tried not to feel self-conscious as I started the group on a sun salutation, warming up our muscles before moving into some of the more intense poses.
“You’re doing it wrong, Grey.” Kylie’s commentary, spoken with a laugh, pulled me from my flow.
I looked up from my downward dog to find Grey with his shoulders hunched towards his ears, instead of relaxing into the angled shape he needed. I pushed out of my pose and walked to Grey. I ignored Kylie, who sat with her phone in hand, the blank screen indicating she wasn’t actively responding to work emails like she claimed.
“Do you mind if I move you into the pose?” I asked, remembering the many classes I had attended over the years in which instructors had asked me the same thing.
“Please.” Grey’s response came out in a huff of air, hinting at his discomfort in the inverted position.
“The goal is to form a triangle shape of sorts. You want to hinge from your hips, with a gentle curve in your spine. You don’t want to rest all of your weight in your arms, but to distribute it equally between your feet and hands.”
As I spoke, Grey straightened his arms, which relieved some of the hunch in his shoulders. However, he was still pitched too far forward. I moved behind him, grabbing his hips and giving them a gentle tug to fully shift his weight to where it needed to be.
“If you wanted to get handsy, all you had to do was ask,” Grey said, laughter tinging his tone.
I blushed, but continued observing Grey’s pose, making sure everything was aligned. I did my best to ignore his smell, something woodsy I could detect under the hint of sweat from our earlier hike.
“How does that feel?” I asked.
“Much better. Though if I forget, do you promise to help me again?” Grey’s face was red, and his voice was more of a grunt.
Warmth settled in my chest at the flirty tone that had still managed to come through, even in his inverted position. Shaking my head, I turned back to the rest of the group who had been in downward dog far longer than I’d intended.
“Look forward, and on your next exhale, step or hop your feet towards your hands.”
As I walked towards the front of the group, I caught Kylie’s eye. She smiled, but it seemed forced. Something lurked in her gaze before she turned back to the phone in her hands, tapping to unlock the screen. I’d only caught a hint of something brewing in her eyes, but her message was clear: Kylie did not like me touching Grey.
As we kept working, I chose moves geared towards the hips and lower back, though I also made sure to stretch calves and hamstrings. I glanced up periodically, checking form and seeing if anyone needed help. As I moved, talking everyone through each pose and movement, I slowly stopped worrying about what everyone thought, Kylie included. Instead, I focused on the feel of my body and how I hoped the others also felt the relief and release I found in these movements.
My voice rang with confidence as I talked everyone through the final moments of our practice, the word “Namaste” tasting sweet on my tongue.
When we finished, everyone stood and scattered in different directions, but I stayed on my mat, trying to soak in one more moment of stillness. My anxieties had calmed, my breath coming easy. If only my job left me feeling this fulfilled.
“That felt amazing. Are you sure you’re not an instructor?” Brad said as he walked into the kitchen for a glass of water.
“I had no idea yoga could feel so good,” Alex added, following his brother.
“I keep telling her she should teach.” Tory attempted to sit on the couch next to Trent, but when he didn’t move to make room for her, she settled for the floor next to his feet.
“You would be an amazing instructor. You have the perfect personal touch,” Grey said with a wink. “You can adjust my downward dog any time.”
“Way to make it dirty, Grey!” Brad barked a laugh as a blush infused my cheeks.
Suddenly the calm I had found dissipated, replaced by a stampede of bison in my stomach.
“I don’t know.” I rolled up my mat, resting it against the wall, and walked into the kitchen, desperate for something to distract everyone’s attention from me. “Yoga instructor isn’t exactly a secure, nine-to-five career option.”
“So what? Not everything is about security.” Grey followed me into the kitchen and leaned against the counter next to me as I pulled a Pepsi from the fridge. “I kind of fell into my job. I don’t think it’s a forever career, but it pays the bills and is good enough for now. If I wasn’t happy where I’m working now, I even have a job offer in Oregon that I could take.”
