Page 37 of Losing Sleep
We sat quietly for a moment, soaking in the stillness of the cabin before Tory broached the one topic I’d been avoiding.
“Now, tell me about your dating life. You and Grey looked awfully cozy when you got to the cabin, and I know I saw sparks flying yesterday at the Firehole.”
I rested my head on the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling, not quite sure how to explain the feelings and emotions churning inside me. “Nothing’s happening with my dating life. You know better than anyone that I’m not really on the dating market.”
“Why? Did you get a boyfriend and I missed it?”
I shook my head, the couch cushion rubbing against my neck, its worn texture oddly grounding.
“After everything that happened with Lyle—”
“That happened over a year ago! I’m sorry, Audrey, I know Lyle and Emily hurt you. What they did was unforgivable, but it has nothing to do with your dating life now.”
“Excuse me?” I sat up to glare at her.
Tory straightened too, turning so she could look me in the eye. “Hasn’t Lyle stolen enough of your life without letting him have a minute more?”
“I’m not giving him more of my time. I’m giving myself time to heal.” I scrambled to explain. It was the same reasoning I gave my mom, my roommates, and anyone else who asked about dating. It was safer that way. Though this weekend with Grey had me reevaluating that stance, a fact I found terrifying and exhilarating, liking jumping off the rock into the Firehole. I was right on the edge, and stepping forward could end in either joy or disaster.
“There’s time to heal, and then there’s running scared,” Tory said, holding her hands out like she was trying to calm a cornered animal.
Her words stung, and I shifted away from her, scooting until my back hit the armrest. I curled my legs under me, trying to find comfort in the position.
“Who says I’m running?” My words were quiet, the conversation reminiscent of so many I’d had with my mom. I was fine. What Lyle and Emily had done had left its mark, but I was healing, moving on with my life.
Are you really?This time the voice in my head sounded like me, and I didn’t like what it was saying.
Relationships meant risk and vulnerability, two things that went against my natural tendency to seek security. I’d been burned so many times as a child with friends when a move had created just a little too much distance for me and someone I cared about to stay in contact. By the time I reached high school, I didn’t date because it was easier. In college, Lyle had wormed his way under my armor, convincing me to take the risk and let him in. When that relationship had ended in the ultimate betrayal, I’d retreated back behind my armor, where it was safest. But was safety really worth living my life alone and scared?
Tory studied my face a moment longer before nodding, letting the conversation drop. “Just make sure you’re not allowing that jerk to control your life a moment more. You deserve happiness. I hate watching you live on the fringes of life, afraid of being hurt again.”
“That’s why I love you. You’re always watching out for me.” I shifted closer and reached over giving her a one-armed hug, before settling back against the armrest. “Though it might be a moot point. Kylie looks pretty determined to catch Grey’s attention.”
Tory scoffed, shaking her head. “Kylie likes chasing what she can’t have. She’s the youngest of several sisters, each one more competitive than the last. If Grey had given her the time of day when she’d first flirted with him, she would have moved on by now. But because he doesn’t want her, Kylie doesn’t know how to handle it.”
“That sounds like an exhausting way to live.” My heart went out Kylie then, constantly chasing what she could never have.
“She’ll get the message eventually. Don’t let her scare you away from what you want.”
I just nodded, not sure how to respond. Was Grey what I wanted? Every day I spent with him, it felt more and more like he was, a fact that terrified me.
We stayed there, each lost in our thoughts, until the guys and Kylie made their appearance.
Chapter Nineteen
After breakfast, everyone gotready for hiking. I slipped a water bottle and snacks into a drawstring bag along with sunscreen before pulling on my hiking boots. I’d opted for comfy, worn workout clothes. Everyone else was similarly attired, though Kylie’s workout gear was clearly name-brand and brought attention to curves I sadly lacked.
We piled into cars, with Kylie hesitating only slightly when Grey opted to ride with me, Trent, and Tory instead of joining her and the twins. Tory’s explanation of their history had shed light on their dynamic, making me wonder how long before Kylie would finally either admit defeat or convince Grey to give her a chance.
The gravel parking lot for the trailhead boasted one other car as we pulled in. The drive to the trail had been a bumpy trek over a dirt road full of hills and the occasional pothole. I’d repeatedlylooked behind us to make sure the twins’ car was handling the road, though Brad had driven the road with skill.
After we parked, I scrambled from the car, eager to get moving and stretch my legs. The echoes of my conversation with Tory continued to play through my head, and I longed to move, to clear my head with much needed exercise. My drawstring bag knocked against my back as I walked, making me wish I’d traded it for a more stylish shoulder bag like the one I’d seen Kylie carrying on her way to the car.
I waited at the trailhead while everyone climbed out of the cars and gathered their supplies. The area was a mix of trees and rocks, with the river only a few feet away down a slight hill. A concrete dam with a walkway across the top was to the right, with the trail I assumed we would follow to the left. The wind teased the end of my braid, carrying with it the smell of pine and damp earth.
“This is gorgeous,” Kylie said, stopping beside me and immediately bending down in a calf stretch that showed her legs off to advantage, though a petty part of me noticed she couldn’t quite touch her toes. Maybe yoga had given me at least one advantage over this woman who seemed to have everything I could only dream of. “I can’t believe I almost passed on the trip and missed the chance to see this.”
I nodded. While I’d only visited Tory’s family cabin once, my extended family loved the area, and I had many happy memories of time spent in Island Park, hiking, floating the river, forgetting the uncertainty that waited at home as Mom worked to make ends meet. No matter how crazy life got, Mom had somehow always found time for those trips.
