Page 32 of Losing Sleep
“I don’t think I can do this.” I gasped out, my heart racing at the thought of jumping into the water and the resulting loss of control. It was the kind of thing my mom would do without hesitation, without thinking about the repercussions if something went wrong. The kind of thing I’d learned to avoid—because one of us had to be responsible.
“I’m right here with you. You got this.” Grey gave gentle encouragement, moving to stand next to me.
“I don’t.” I said, shaking my head vehemently and inching my way back towards the car.
“Take a breath. You’ve got a lifejacket and friends to watch out for you. Nothing’s going to happen.” He put his hand on my arm, giving a gentle squeeze of encouragement.
I breathed in through my nose, counting to four, before releasing my breath through my mouth.
“That’s it.” Grey nodded, moving his hand to rub comfortingly up and down my arm. I wanted to lean into the touch, letting it ground me. “Show me your best yoga breath.”
I took another deep breath before taking a hesitant step forward, breaking the contact. I immediately missed his warmth, but if I didn’t move soon, I wouldn’t go. I wouldn’t step into the river, let alone jump in.
“You’ll be with me the whole time?” My voice shook slightly as I waited for his response.
“Yep. Every step of the way. I won’t let you wander off and get lost.” He gave me a wink, and I bit back a groan as he butchered the familiar saying.
I took one more deep breath and stepped into the water, grateful for Grey’s reassuring presence behind me. I was tempted to entwine my fingers with his, but I resisted the urge, knowing I likely wouldn’t let go once I latched on.
With each step, the water became deeper, the cool temperature making me flinch.
“I thought you said this water was warm.” I pushed the words through clenched teeth, looking over at Tory, who had paused when she’d noticed Grey and I weren’t directly behind her.
She shrugged and continued making her way into the water, crouching down so that most of her body was in the river. “I said it waswarmerthan most rivers. It’s not a hot spring. It’s still a river out in the woods.”
Promising myself that I only had to ride the rapids once and then this “fun” adventure would be over, I continued following the group until we reached a massive crevasse between two rocks. The water was clear enough that I could see the rocks I walked on, sharp, dark stones that spoke of a volcanic history. About halfway to the cliff on the other side of the river, a largegap appeared between the two rocks. No matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t see the bottom.
“Here’s the deal. You want to jump across the gap to that rock shelf over there.” Tory gestured to the rock floor next to the cliff. “If you don’t jump far enough, you’ll have to swim hard and quick to get over before the current drags you away. From there, make your way to the head of the rapids where you saw that other group jumping. Once you reach it, jump in and pull your legs in tight. You don’t want to knock up against these rocks if you can avoid it.”
“What happens after you jump?” I knew it was a stupid question, but I couldn’t help the voice of fear sitting in the back of my mind, taunting me.You can’t do this. This is insane. Why jump into the current of a fast-flowing river when you could be reading on the shore?
Grey took pity on me, giving my hand a squeeze. “You ride the current and have fun. Just follow my lead.” With those parting words, he jumped into the river and swam across to the shelf.
“You’re next,” Tory said, blocking Trent who had moved to follow Grey.
My gut clenched. “Are you sure this is safe?”
“I’ve been doing this for years. As long as you can swim and you’ve got a lifejacket, you’ll be fine.” Tory kept her tone light and reassuring.
I hesitated a moment more before looking over to where Grey stood, watching me from the rock shelf. He tucked his thumbs into his armpits, making fake chicken wings. I could almost hear the accompanying clucking sounds over the rushing water. I bit back a snort, grateful for the mix of goading and kind encouragement my friends were using to help me in this moment. Steeling myself, I dove towards the shelf.
I didn’t make it quite far enough and had to swim to beat the current. When I got close enough to the shelf, Grey reached outand pulled me up. My fingers laced with his and didn’t let go, needing the contact as I processed what I’d done.
I was drenched, hair falling out of its bun, heart pounding as I stood on a narrow rock shelf. Not only had I jumped across a bottomless pit, now I would willingly climb over rocky terrain to jump into rapids. Mild as they were, I was still choosing adventure in this moment, and I kind of wished my mom was here to see me be brave like her.
Once Tory and Trent joined us, I released Grey’s hand and hoped Tory didn’t notice. I had no idea what was going on between me and Grey and didn’t want her questions complicating things. Our group climbed the short distance to the rapids. Despite Tory’s reassurance that they weren’t bad, my stomach clenched at the sight.
“Who’s jumping first?” Grey called over his shoulder, gesturing towards the spot where we’d watched others jump in.
“Dibs not!” I called, wrapping my arms around my midsection as a breeze kicked up and goose bumps rose on my arms. I wanted to watch at least one, maybe two people do this before I took the plunge.
“Go, Grey! We’ll just jump in order,” Tory said, waving him forward.
Grey gave me a toothy grin.
“I dare you,” he said.
The three words were barely audible over the rushing water, but I heard them, feeling them race down my spine and sink into my toes, grounding me in this moment. I wasn’t about to let Grey show me up.
