Page 18 of Losing Sleep
I shook my head, ignoring the second half of Grey’s comment. “I thought I’d do some yoga before breakfast. Other than that,I’m going to be trapped in the car for several hours with a near stranger.”
I tacked on the last part more for me than for Grey. Maybe if I reminded myself about how little I knew Grey, I could squash the seeds of attraction that had started sprouting yesterday after our late-night conversation.
“I’m hardly a stranger at this point. I mean, we did share a bed.” Grey waved grandly around him, and my face flushed.
“For convenience.”
Grey sat a moment longer before heading into the bathroom. “True, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to miss the bed head. It was cute.”
My mouth fell open at his final comment, my hand reaching up to check my hair was still safely secured in its bun. No matter what Grey said, I looked better this way. More presentable. More professional. More desirable. Or that’s what I’d always assumed. Did Grey really mean what he said? Was it possible he could somehow like me, even when I wasn’t perfectly put together?
The cool air filled my lungs as I stepped out onto Dot and Hank’s back porch. What their house lacked in space was more than made up for by the size of their porch and yard. I could imagine Tory spending summers here, running around for hours, uninhibited by stress or worry. The images were a stark contrast to my own childhood where constant worry plagued my steps. The life of an only child being raised by a single parent who wasn’t much older than a child herself.
I rolled out my purple yoga mat on the porch, grateful I’d thought to pack it with me. My muscles needed to stretch and move after the long hours in the car and sitting in the tire shop yesterday. The breeze teased whisps of hair from my bun as I satcross-legged on the mat with my eyes closed, taking a few deep breaths to ground myself before beginning the practice. I was just moving into mountain pose when the screen door slammed, letting me know someone had joined me.
Peeking one eye open, I found Dot standing in the doorway, hands on hips, wearing a faded pair of jeans and a floral-patterned button-down shirt. Her white hair ruffled a bit in the breeze, and a wide grin stretched across her face, deepening the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth.
“What on earth are you doing out here?”
I opened both eyes and gestured to my mat. “Yoga. Figured I’d get a workout in before we hit the road today.”
“If I were in your shoes, there’s a different kind of workout I’d be doing this morning.” Dot gave an exaggerated wink, and my cheeks instantly flamed.
“Dot! It’s not like that,” I squeaked out as I pushed away images of waking up in bed with Grey, his arm around my waist. While we hadn’t done anything, the sensation had been unexpectedly nice—something I refused to examine too carefully. After Lyle, I’d sworn off men, at least until I felt more healed and capable of handling the vulnerability of letting someone in.
Dot waved aside my protests as she sank into one of the wooden rocking chairs on the porch. “It might not be like that now, but I’m sure that handsome man in your bed would be more than happy to change things.”
“We’re practically strangers,” I blurted. I did not need to think of Grey in bed, sleep-rumpled and gorgeous.
“Every relationship has to start somewhere. Hank and I were strangers once, and now look at us.” She waved around her, taking in the little white house surrounded by fields. “All it takes is one shot, and a love story can begin.”
Giving up any hope of yoga, I sank into the remaining rocking chair, the stiff wooden back serving to ground me in the moment.
“I don’t think I know yours and Hank’s story,” I said, curious to hear how this amazing couple had found each other decades earlier. It was the kind of marriage I had dreamed of but feared would always be out of reach. I had lost count of the number of bad dates Mom had experienced before finally finding Dave, and I wasn’t sure my heart could handle another rollercoaster like my relationship with Lyle.
Dot’s smile turned dreamy and distant as she became lost in memory. “It’s pretty simple, really. I was a city girl who wanted a change of pace, so I took a job at the college. Hank was a farm boy who came to college to get a degree before taking over the family farm. I swore left and right I’d never marry a farm boy. I told everyone who would listen that country life wasn’t for me.”
“I’m guessing Hank didn’t listen,” I observed, pushing off with my left foot to send my chair rocking. The gentle motion was soothing, and I reveled in the moment of calm after the hectic day yesterday. The temperature was cooler than I was used to in Utah County, and I wished I’d thought to bring my jacket outside with me as the breeze danced along my arms, raising goose bumps.
“Good thing too, or I probably would have married Elton Kingsley or someone equally as boring from my hometown.” Dot gave a shudder, and I couldn’t help but laugh at her expression, a humorous mix of disgust and horror.
“So how did he convince you to give a farm boy a chance?” I leaned forward, planting my feet to stop the rocking motion, engrossed in Dot’s story.
“He was taking an English class and claimed he was no good at writing papers. He insisted he needed a tutor if he was going to have any chance of passing. What I hadn’t realized was he’doverheard me telling a coworker that I’d been top of my English class in high school. When I heard him moaning about his fate, I offered to help, but I made it clear I was only his tutor, nothing more. Well, as you can imagine, Hank can be crafty when he wants to. He said he needed all the help he could get and got me to commit to tutoring him every Friday night for the rest of the semester.” Dot became silent, lost in memory as she rocked on the porch, a soft smile touching her lips.
“I’m guessing you didn’t stay just a writing tutor for long.” This was the part of any relationship that fascinated me. The moment it went from friends to more. For my mom and Dave it had been on a date to the movies. I remembered because after listening to Mom recap the date when she got home over Pepsis, that was the night the uncertainty I’d felt about our future and where we’d be living in six months finally loosened its grip. I’d relaxed enough to enjoy the last few years of high school, finding the courage to apply to college out of state.
I still couldn’t point to the moment it had happened for me and Lyle, though I knew exactly when it fell apart. Now I doubted I’d ever find someone willing to take that step with me again. It had taken me almost 25 years to find someone willing to commit to me like Lyle. With my social ineptitude, it would likely take at least that long to find someone else willing to take a chance on me.
“One week he asked if we could take the tutoring session to a local diner because he hadn’t eaten dinner yet. The next week, we went on a picnic. Before I knew it, we were no longer talking papers. Instead, I was hoping the cute farm boy in front of me would hold my hand and kiss me goodnight.” Dot’s cheeks had a pink hue to them, and I wanted to bottle up this moment and the softness in her expression as she reminisced.
“And I’ve been convincing her to let me kiss her goodnight ever since.” Hank’s deep, raspy voice cut across the moment, andI looked up to find him standing on the porch steps, hands in his overall pockets and a giant grin on his face.
“Hank, you’re craftier than I gave you credit. Does Tory know?” I asked, grateful for humor that helped cut through the tender emotions Dot’s story had brought to the surface. They were emotions I did my best not to dwell on because they led to wishing and wanting and heartbreak. If I didn’t hope for the same happiness in my life, I couldn’t be disappointed when it didn’t happen.
“How do you think we convinced her to come spend summers with us? She thought it was her idea, but all it took was telling her how much the dogs missed her company, and that girl was begging her parents to let her stay,” Hank said with a wink.
I laughed, picturing all too well a young, over-eager Tory begging to spend the summer running these fields, a border collie or two in tow. It sounded magical and like the type of summer I would have given almost anything for as a kid.
