Page 64 of Chasing Forever
“Are you ready to talk now?” Her voice is quiet.
She’s being patient with me for once, and it’s killing me.
I pour her a glass of wine and grab a beer for myself, signaling for her to head over to the couch. She leads the way, then Mack, then me.
We settle on the cushions, Mack curling up at her feet. My house is more or less like a log cabin with a giant great room and open floor plan where you can see the kitchen.
I lean back in the corner of the sofa, extending my arm across the back of the couch and the other along the armrest. Might as well get right into it. “You didn’t know? Really?”
“Know what?”
“You’re a smart woman, Lottie.”
Her eyes turn to her wine glass, and she twirls it like a little kid trying to make a whirlpool just to keep from looking at me. “I knew you liked me. I mean, I knew you had feelings of some kind for me. I did for you, too, as much as I tried to act like I didn’t. But…” She looks at me. “I don’t want to assume anything. Can you just tell me?”
I down a sip of beer, hoping for some liquid courage. “Lottie, I’ve loved you my entire life. Not just since Holden left, but before that.” I hold my breath, waiting for her to respond.
“You did?”
The words dig in, revealing what I already knew. I was alone in it for so long. She was always looking past me, at him. Lottie was too hung up on my brother to ever see me. It’s a cut I thought had healed, but tonight it feels like someone is picking at the scab.
“I did. I wanted to ask you out so many times, but I thought since I was a year younger that you wouldn’t give me the time of day. Then Holden came home after graduating from college.”
He saw her, and she had definitely changed that year. Became leaner and developed more curves and overall, just become the version she is now. All the guys were talking about her, and everyone wanted to date her. I wanted to scream at them that I had loved her before she’d developed into a beautiful young woman and that I loved her for who she was, not her body, but I was too self-conscious to approach her.
“He asked me out that first weekend,” she says, remembering their romance with clarity. I wish it didn’t sting.
“And I stepped aside. You were so into him.”
She sets her wineglass on the table and slides closer to me, placing her hand on my thigh. “Brooks, I didn’t?—”
“I know you didn’t. Anyway, you were happy, and I wasn’t going to ruin that for you, so I just stayed in the background and hoped you’d find the love you’d always dreamed about.”
“Dreamed about?” Her forehead wrinkles.
“You used to believe in fate and kismet like Romy does. You were in love with Holden. You were walking on a cloud, and there was no talking you down. Maybe it’s supposed to be like that.”
Her eyebrows scrunch, and she frowns.
“You fell fast and hard for him.”
“Did I hurt you?” she asks, and I can see the weight of her concern in her eyes.
I place my arm along her shoulders, my hand resting on the back of her neck. “Not intentionally, no. It’s not like that. I just… fuck, I sound like a loser. Yearning for you all these years when you never felt the same way.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “I have thought of you, but you were Holden’s brother, and after he left me—the way he left me—I just didn’t want everyone talking about me again, so I pushed all those feelings away.” Inching closer, she curls into my side, resting her head on my shoulder. “I was really blind, wasn’t I?”
I chuckle and kiss the top of her head. “Extremely. I’m pretty sure everyone else already knows. Ben does for sure.”
She kisses my jaw. “I thought maybe you were just trying to get with me because you felt guilty your brother had destroyed me. That, or you wanted to stick it to him by being with me.”
I squeeze the back of her neck. “I hate my brother for stealing that light from you. For destroying your belief in true love. My feelings for you have nothing to do with him. But because I’ve loved you this long, of course I want to cure that for you. I want to show you all men aren’t bad.”
Her gaze softens, and she lifts her leg, straddling me. “Brooks, I have no idea where this thing between us is headed. I need to keep this casual for now, feel it out and see how it goes.”
Lottie’s reaction doesn’t surprise me at all. I knew going in that it would take time for me to earn her trust. Really earn it so that she will trust me with her heart.
“We can go as slow or fast as you need. I’m good with whatever you’re willing to give me.” My hands find her hips.
