Page 97 of Chasing Forever
“I know you need time to figure out if you can live with that. Take all the time you need, and I mean, obviously, Holden… when he found out, he didn’t want me anymore. When I got home from the ceremony that never happened, I found a note he’d left me. It said he’d always dreamed of a family and… more, but I don’t remember it all.” I take another labored breath. “I know there are some options for children but not ones that don’t come with a hefty financial cost and… I get it… I understand if you don’t… you know… want this anymore.” Tears freefall down my cheeks, toppling over one another as if in a race to slip off my face.
Brooks touches my face. “Hey.” His gaze is soft and sympathetic. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not.” A sob erupts, and I shake my head. “I will never be able to grow our child. I’ll never be able to take your hand and place it on my stomach so you can feel the baby kick. There will be no stomach to kiss or cradle with your hand. No late-night cravings that you have to run out to satisfy. You won’t get to experience our pregnancy, watch our baby grow.” More tears rush down my cheeks as my breathing labors further. Hiccupping sobs rack my body now.
He slides closer, putting his arm around me. I’m pretty sure I’m not crying about not being able to carry a baby—I’ve come to terms with that—but the fact that I might lose Brooks because of it is my undoing.
“I know,” he whispers.
My head jerks up. “What?”
“I knew. Before the wedding. I overheard Holden and my dad talking about it. I kept it to myself because it wasn’t my place to say anything, and I figured it wasn’t something you’d want to talk about with me. But I’ve known all along, Lottie.”
Fresh tears unleash down my face. “And it doesn’t change anything for you?”
“No. Because I want you. If we have a family, we’ll figure it out together. Adoption, surrogacy, fostering… or just you, me, and Mack, if that’s what life gives us.”
“You really mean that?” Hope feels like the first tendrils of a stem poking out of the earth.
He cups my cheek. “I’ve loved you since before I was allowed to. It changes nothing for me.”
“Oh my god, really? Are you sure, Brooks?”
He nods. “Except you reliving that day makes me want to kick Holden’s ass all over again.”
“Again?” I search his face.
“He was holed up in a hotel two towns over. A story for another time.”
I wipe my cheeks. “So, what now?”
“We have one more date. And then you have to decide whether or not you’re keeping me.”
A smile blooms on my face. “I’m keeping you if that’s okay with you?”
He laughs and nudges me down so my back is on the grass. “Hell, Lottie Owens, I’ve wanted you my entire life. You were the last one to figure it out.”
“Figure what out?”
He cages my head between his hands. “That I was the man for you.”
“So very true.” I place my hand on his cheek. “Thanks for waiting for me to catch up.”
“I’ve been chasing forever with you for a long time. I would’ve waited as long as it took. It was always you, Lottie.”
“Brooks?”
He leans in. “Yeah?”
“Take me to bed.”
He stands, offering me his hand with that crooked smile I’ve always loved. “Thought you’d never ask.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Lottie
Halfway to his house, Brooks bends over and hauls me up over his shoulder.
