Page 51 of Surrender
If I hadn’t lost it that night and got myself arrested.
Would I have been the one six feet under?
“You don’t have to do this,” Darcy whispered after a couple of minutes.
I tilted my head. “Do what?”
“Play nurse. I can go to Lucy’s—”
“You’re not going to Lucy’s.” The words came out sharper than I intended, and she tugged her hand away.
“And why is that?” she challenged, tears balancing on her lashes.
With a groan, I got to my feet, scrubbing my hand over my face. This was about to turn into something I didn’t intend. Something I was sure we weren’t going to address or approach until at least tomorrow when I explained that she wasn’t leaving.
Not just tonight.
But ever.
Yet, here we were.
About to hash out twelve years of built-up emotions and shitty decisions, all before bed.
“You’re not going because your ex-boyfriend is a complete psycho,” I explained carefully, trying to keep my brain focused on her and not that bastard Carrington. My brothers had already kept me from going after him once tonight, and they wouldn’t be happy if they had to step in again. “There was a chance I could have lost you tonight. And I’ve already been through that once, I’m not about to face it again.”
She sat up straight in my bed, her chin trembling as she stared at me, the tears she’d been holding back finally spilling over. “You think you were the only one who lost something when James died?”
“Darcy—”
“No!” She shoved the blankets back, shuffling to the edge of the bed, because God forbid she puts me in my place whilesitting. “I lost my brother. And then I lostyou. One minute you were there, and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. The next, you were being forced into the back of a police car, and everything was dark.”
I knew at the time it was going to hurt her.
But fuck.
It’d been a hell of a lot easier to get past that when I hadn’t been able to see this kind of pain on her face.
It made me want to kick myself in the fucking balls.
“You were all I had left, Nate,” she said, her voice cracking. “All I wanted was you. I needed you!”
And just like that, I knew there was no holding back the truth.
“I know,” I said, clearing the emotion clogging my throat. “That was the problem.”
She blinked, confused by my admission. “What are you talking about?”
I took a breath, preparing to be really fucking honest and finally deal with the fallout of my actions. “I promised James that I’d make sure you followed your dreams,” I said quietly. “I promised him that I’d push you to achieve everything you’d ever wanted. And I knew you, Darcy. Iknewif I was there, you would have given up on Juilliard and stayed in Detroit because, like you just admitted, you thought you needed me.”
She swallowed hard, shaking her head like she couldn’t or didn’t want to believe it.
“And honestly,” I continued, finally stepping closer. “I wouldn’t have fought you on it. I would have let you stay because I fucking loved you. I still fucking love you! But I couldn’t be the reason you gave up on the future you’d been imagining since you were little. You have always been meant for more.”
Tears spilled freely down her cheeks, and that was it. I couldn’t stay away another second. I rushed forward, wrapping my arms around her, lifting her off her feet as she fell to pieces.She buried her face in my neck, a sob tearing through her chest as I lay her back on the bed. She held tight to my neck, refusing to let me pull back.
“It’s okay,” I told her, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “I’m not leaving.”
Ever again.
