Page 71 of The Secrets of Dragonfly Lodge
In the sitting room, the others were waiting for her, Dorothy and Eleanor with knowing smiles. She gazed round at them in surprise.
‘What is it?’ she asked.
Eleanor said to the others, ‘I think our Nancy’s in love, don’t you?’
‘What rubbish.’ She threw herself into a chair.
‘Come on, Nancy,’ Dorothy added, ‘you couldn’t keep your eyes off him all evening.’
‘I don’t know about that, but we enjoyed seeing him,’ Frank said. ‘Ask him again soon, will you, Nancy?’
‘All right,’ she said simply.
It was to be the first of many such visits.
Nancy entered the lab the next day with a feeling of trepidation to find James already hunched over a delicate piece of work, his back to her. Her spirits sank. Perhaps he regretted what he’d said to her, the way he’d touched her cheek. She was wondering what to say when he glanced round and, seeing her, immediately came over.
‘Thanks again for last night,’ he said, hands in pockets and looking as uncertain as she felt.
‘Not at all, I enjoyed it,’ she said, unable to stop herselftrembling. ‘Frank and Eleanor would love you to come again. If you’d like to, of course.’
‘I would. I thought they were charming.’
‘And Dorothy?’ She smiled, teasing him.
‘Dorothy’s…’ He looked at her hard, then said slowly, ‘Dorothy’s pretty enough, but…’ He trailed to a halt.
And with that Nancy had to be content.
It wasn’t easy working in the same room as someone you’re deeply in love with, Nancy thought, but whom you’re not sure loves you. Something about their relationship had changed, she’d be a fool not to recognize it. Whenever James was there, which wasn’t all the time, there was a tension in the air. Every time their eyes met, his lingered on hers a moment longer than necessary, a wave of warmth passed through her and she swallowed and shyly turned away. If their fingers touched when she lent him a book from her shelf, or he brushed against her as they crossed the lab, it was as though a charge passed between them.
Even when she was focused on her work, she was constantly aware of him. It was as though she’d developed something very unscientific: a sixth sense. And the situation confused her, for she hardly dared to believe an overwhelming piece of evidence – that for the first time in their acquaintance, he felt the same as she did.
Everything had been turned upside down. Even the things he did that annoyed her she started to forgive. The tapping of the pen on the worktop, the impatient sighs. There was no doubt that this new level of awareness was affecting her ability to work. How could she concentrate when her mindwas straying to the other side of the lab? It exasperated her, the way her feelings got in the way. The research had to be done and she wanted to do it. It fascinated her and she passionately wanted to achieve her doctorate and move on. The struggle had to be won.
She changed her routine, determined to regain control of herself. James, who exhibited no sign of being similarly distracted, continued to appear at a random point in the mornings and leave at odd times, often after she’d finished for the day. She took to arriving very early, using a snaffled key to an outside door, and leaving early, but a couple of weeks of this took their toll on her constitution. Her sleep became erratic and she became so tired that she started to make stupid mistakes. Also, the technician didn’t clock on until nine, which was a nuisance if she wanted supplies before then, for he kept his cupboard locked. Still, she struggled on because she didn’t know what else to do.
Her evenings offered little peace. James often appeared for supper, invited by generous Frank, who enjoyed his company, and Eleanor, who loved matchmaking. Nancy noticed how Eleanor took every opportunity to push her and James together, asking them both to lay the table or wash up or take scraps out for the birds. James cheerfully acceded to all requests and treated Nancy gently, without his usual surliness, apologizing when she chided him for muddling the cutlery or not washing a plate properly. Little by little, she felt she was being worn down.
And yet. Despite her traitorous body yearning for his, something held her back, that deep shyness she’d alwaysfelt. To his credit, James seemed to sense her reluctance, for since that night when she’d called his compliment ‘nonsense’ and he’d touched her cheek, he’d made no further advance, though she was sure that he wanted to. It was different, she mused, than it had been with her fellow student Theo back in first year, a relationship that had felt light and unimportant. Her feelings for James ran deep and were not to be toyed with. A love affair with him would change her utterly and send her down an unknown path to an unknown destination. She thought of her sister Helen, of Eleanor and Frank, Peggy and George, the possibilities of happiness or misery that love and marriage brought. If she had any sense at all, she’d stifle her feelings, ask to be moved to a different laboratory at Brandingfield, ask Frank not to invite James to dinner any more, but she couldn’t bring herself to do any of these things.
It was just before Easter that everything changed. A patch of bright weather raised everyone’s spirits and the talk in the common rooms was of holidays and field trips. Edmund put his head round the door of the lab, where Nancy was frowning over a petri dish, to ask her to a concert later in the week. James found them chatting about arrangements when he arrived a few minutes later. The two men greeted one another stiffly and Edmund withdrew.
‘Edmund doesn’t look well,’ Nancy remarked as she peered at her locusts, for so she’d thought. His face, usually rosy with health, had been pale and drawn.
James didn’t reply. She glanced at him and was surprised to see his cold expression. ‘What?’ she said.
‘Nothing.’ He paused. ‘Just that he’s always hanging about.’
‘Don’t be silly.’
‘You’re going to a concert with him.’
‘Yes, why not? We like the same music.’ She turned away and began unwrapping a newspaper parcel. A fresh smell of greens filled the air. Was he jealous?
‘Some people say…’
‘What do they say, James?’ She picked through the leaves, brushing the earth off them, then grasped a handful and, sliding the lid of the tank away, dropped them inside, causing the insects to leap about madly.
