Page 57 of The Secrets of Dragonfly Lodge
‘Jed? That was years ago.’ Pippa’s eyes glinted.
‘What was that all about, Pip?’
‘Why are you interested now?’
‘I don’t know. It’s just… you can tell me stuff, you know. Our lives are very different, but I do care. I sometimes feel guilty. That it was me who did everything… right, doing well at school, going to university, the career thing.’
‘Why would you feel guilty about that?’
Pippa was making no effort to meet her halfway.
‘Because… you didn’t do all those things, I suppose.’
‘Isn’t that a form of judgement, Stef? That you think your life has been more successful than mine, that I’ve failed in some way?’
‘No, no, of course not.’
‘Because that’s what it feels like. I didn’t want to do those things, didn’t see the point. But when I met Rob, I thought,This is what I do want.’
‘That’s all right, then,’ Stef said helplessly.
‘Well, it’s not, is it, because it’s not working out. I feel miserable, utterly miserable.’
But you have a husband who adores you and two beautifulchildren, Stef wanted to say, but didn’t. Instead, she said softly, ‘You know, I’ve felt jealous of you.’Not for having Rob, she reminded herself,but for having someone. Pippa straightened, her gaze now puzzled. ‘Being married and having the kids, I mean,’ Stef went on. ‘I sometimes wonder if it’ll ever happen for me. No, please don’t say you’re sure it will do. It doesn’t for some people, you know.’
‘I expect it will, though.’
‘Yeah, well. And I know it’s pathetic, but you have your own house and financial security. Why would you walk away from that if you didn’t have to?’ She remembered something. ‘Pip, you said you were worried that Rob might be seeing someone else. Are you sure? It doesn’t seem like him.’
Pippa shrugged. ‘He hasn’t denied it.’
‘Have you any evidence?’
She shook her head. ‘He’s quite distant. I don’t think he even fancies me any more.’ Pippa sounded so plaintive.
‘Oh, don’t say that,’ Stef rushed to reassure her. ‘I’m sure he does.’
She watched with dismay as tears pooled in her sister’s eyes, and reached and put her arms round her. It had been so long since she’d last held her that she’d forgotten what it felt like.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ Pippa said, nestling into her. She was trembling like a little bird and Stef hugged her tighter.
‘It’ll be all right,’ she whispered. ‘I’m sure it will. You’ll sort it out.’ She wished she could be sure.
Thirty-Three
Stef woke abruptly on Sunday to bright daylight and the sound of the doorbell. Squinting at her phone, she saw it was after nine. Baxter began to howl, so she slid out of bed, reached for her dressing gown and hurried downstairs.
‘Move, Baxter,’ she sighed, trying to get to the door, then spoke a little louder, ‘Okay, okay, I’m coming.’ She wrenched open the front door and stood blinking in surprise at the sight of Pippa’s husband, Rob. His fair hair stuck out at all angles and his cherubic face, usually wreathed in smiles, was blotchy, his good-natured brown eyes sunken wells of despair. The collar of his rugby shirt had what looked like dried egg on it and he held a set of keys with a fluffy pink tag.
‘Morning, Stef, sorry,’ he said, his usually confident deep voice faded. ‘I did text Pip, but…’ He raised his palm in a gesture of exasperation.
Stef gestured for him to enter and his burly figure filledthe little hallway. ‘You’d better come through.’ He followed her into the kitchen with Baxter shuffling behind.
‘Tea?’ She took up the kettle.
‘Er, filter coffee if you don’t mind.’ He tucked the keys into the pocket of his chinos and rubbed his eyes. ‘No one else up yet?’ he said with a sigh.
She shook her head. ‘Late night.’
