Page 85 of The Secrets of Dragonfly Lodge
‘After that,’ she said softly, ‘I went home. Home to my family. I took sick leave, whatever they called it then. I suppose I had a kind of nervous breakdown. I couldn’t sleep and I cried all the time. My mother called the doctor and he prescribed some dreadful knock-out pills. I refused to take them after a bit because of the side effects, but a fortnight or so later I began to feel better. Strangely, what helped was going to visit my sister. Andrew and Terry were sweet little boys and it took my mind off things looking after them. And Helen was grateful, I could see that. We became closer.’
She smiled to herself, lost for a moment in the past, then said, ‘Where was I?’
Stef ventured, ‘You said you’d gone home. What happened about your job and… everything? The report?’
‘Oh, the report.’ Nancy laughed softly. ‘Absolutely nothing. I went back to work for a couple of months, but nobody said anything, not a thing. I waited and waited for the blow to fall, it was terribly stressful. I hardly saw James. We both avoided one another and then, of course, he left for the States. That was a relief. I simply finished the research that I’d been paid to do, wrote it up and turned it in. It was a matter of pride. I hope that they were pleased with it. I never heard that they weren’t.’
‘But then?’
‘ICP declined to renew my contract. No reason was given.’ She spread her hands. ‘So that was it. My glorious career as a research scientist.’
‘That’s awful.’ Stef was shocked. ‘But wait, surely you could have found another research post, couldn’t you?’
Nancy considered this. ‘I probably could have, yes, but I’d lost the appetite for it. It sounds a dreadful thing to say, not very brave at all, but I felt a door had been closed. All my ambitions, everything I’d worked for… Gone.’
‘How did people react?’ Stef wanted to know.
‘My family were extremely sympathetic. They’d been so concerned about me, you see. As for my friends, Eleanor understood, but I think Dorothy felt let down when I told her I was going to become a schoolmistress. Our little supper club was important to her and I’d been a founding member.We kept up for a while, but our paths eventually diverged. She did very well, got a job in the Natural History Museum and married someone she met there. No children, though.’
She sighed as she gazed out at the rain, then said, ‘It took me a long while to get over James. I felt that he’d let me down and it was devastating.’
Fifty-One
1954
At home in early August, recuperating after her ordeal, Nancy was touched one morning to receive a letter from Edmund.
My dear Nancy,
I returned from Edinburgh on Sunday. A pleasant stay with my Aunt Phoebe, and the weather being fine my former wife allowed me to take our daughter out on Saturday. There was a big funfair with rides at one of the parks, which she seemed to enjoy, but it’s hard work, Nancy. Marianne sees me so rarely and she seems on her guard when she’s with me. Still, she’s a dear little girl and I soldier on.
Enough of my ramblings. I was concerned to hear on the grapevine that you were ill, and this letter is really to wish you well again soon. I miss seeing you at Brandingfield. I bumped into James and asked after you, but he didn’t appearto know much. Is everything all right there? Nobody’s saying anything here if that comforts you. I know you hate gossip.
With good wishes,
Edmund
She smiled to read this. Dear Edmund, always hitting the right note. Concerned but not overly so. It was comforting to learn that the end of her relationship with James was not a topic of conversation at Brandingfield, though perhaps this wasn’t surprising. James would keep such matters close, and the only other person who knew about them breaking up was Dorothy, who was a loyal friend. Edmund didn’t mention Nancy’s work problems, but perhaps he was being tactful. Dr Staunton might be discreet – it was not in his interest to be otherwise – but her colleagues in the lab loved to gossip.
She kept herself to herself when she returned to work for that short period. Frank, Eleanor and Dorothy were marvellous, making sure that she was never alone in the evenings. Dorothy sometimes visited Nancy’s lab during the day. She was a popular figure there and, being beautiful and outgoing and brooking no nonsense, did not suffer the banter or patronizing attitudes that Nancy had to put up with. Dorothy was like a bright sword protecting her friend. The men feared her ire, so largely left Nancy alone.
Once or twice, she ran into James in a corridor or a common room. The first time he avoided her eye, but she spoke to him and saw his relief that at least they could be civil. When sheasked after the progress of his doctorate, his face lit up. ‘I’ve passed my viva,’ he told her, ‘without corrections.’
‘Congratulations, Dr West,’ she said, meaning it.
‘I know I have to thank you for your help when it was difficult,’ he mumbled.
She nodded, surprised but grateful for this acknowledgement.
Soon afterwards, he left for Boston. She found a note from him in her pigeonhole and read it when she was alone.
Dear N,
By the time you read this I’ll be in the air over the Atlantic. A new life ahead! I wanted to tell you that I bear you no ill will for what happened. I see now that you would never have settled for being number two to anyone, especially me, and we can’t change who we are. Be assured, though, that the motive behind my actions in this unfortunate matter was simply to help you, to help us. I will always hold you close in my heart and hope that one day we will meet again. In the meantime, good luck and take good care!
Yours truly,
JW
