Page 48 of After the Rain
“If I what?” Rain presses when he realises I’m not going to continue. I sigh, frustrated that I managed to talk this up – why am I putting ideas in his head?
“I love you, baby, I always will. But I realise this life – my life – it’s a small life. I don’t travela lot, even though I’d like to; I just never have. But I live in a small village, doing a job that I mainly do alone except for my brothers and sister. I spend weekends with my family, when forced, and I occasionally go to the local for a pint or two. If you ever wanted to leave, to have a bigger life, I’d understand. And…” I hesitate. Am I going to say this? Yeah, I fucking am. I’d never let him go, so that only leaves one option. “I’d follow you anywhere, baby. If you want to leave, we leave together, because I cannot live without you.”
He looks a little shellshocked by my words, the dim light of the winter moon the only thing illuminating his face, even the smallest bit. Pax is off to my left totally unbothered by the potential bomb I just dropped on our life. Rain is a city boy. What if, now that Dan has been arrested, he wants to go back there? He turns to face me head-on. His hands come up my chest and over my shoulders, up my neck and jaw until he captures my face and forces me to look him in the eyes.
“I. Love. It. Here.” He enunciates each word very clearly and slowly to make sure his words penetrate my apparently thick skull. “I. Love. You. This life is not small. It’s huge. It must be! It holds so much love. You, me, your family –ourfamily. Our friends. Your business. It’s huge, babe.” He kisses me sharply to hammer his point home. “Yes, I’ve always lived in the city, but it was onlywhen I randomly put my finger down on a map and turned up here that I found home. I found you. And there is no home without you in it. So, we’re not going anywhere. We can travel together but we’ll always come back here. To our home. Together. Forever, if you’ll have me.”
I wrap him up in my arms, pulling him close to my body, wishing I could pull him even closer. I cover his mouth with mine and kiss him until we’re both breathless.
“I love you too. So fucking much, baby. Forever isn’t long enough with you. I want everything you just said. Always.” We kiss again, deeply, and then he just holds me tight. I scoop him up under his perfect arse, and he wraps his legs around my waist, and we just stand there, losing time, holding each other in this place we both found home. Rain found home in a safe place with me, a man who treats him the way he should be treated and loves him with everything I am. I found home in Rain, a man who accepts me as I am – anxious, grumpy, short-tempered, passionate, and possessive. I never have to temper myself with him, and love every tiny aspect of him that he gives to me.
I lived a very small life before Rain arrived. He opened my whole world,becamemy whole world. And despite the stormy waters of panic attacks and PTSD and nightmares we’re bothstill enduring, I know we’ll get through it. Counselling, therapy, time – whatever it takes. The storm will pass. And after the rain, comes the sun.
Epilogue
Rain
Six months later
It’s a gorgeous, sunny day, Pax is no doubt having an awesome day with his favourite person in the whole world – Nancy – and the love of my life is currently at the tiller of Ladybird as we sail across Black Horse Broad in the glorious early summer sunshine. It’s a comfortable nineteen degrees today, and the sky is blue with not a cloud in sight.
Aidan, wearing a sinful pair of black Wrangler jeans, a tight white T-shirt with the sleeves cuffed and his Ray-Bans on his relaxed, smiling face, looks sexy as fuck. His top knot is no more. About three months ago, Nancy decided to play hairdressers, and Aidan was only too happy to play her customer. The problem was that while he thought she had toy scissors, she had in factswiped a pair of kitchen scissors and cut a huge chunk out of his hair before anyone had even spotted it. I think she may actually be an evil genius and knew exactly what she was doing. She’s been very vocal about how she wanted long hair like her uncle Aidan, and it seems she thought she could just cut his off and keep it for herself.
Suffice it to say that Nash had some serious words with her after that. And then Corey had some serious words with Nash about leaving the scissors on the kitchen counter where she could reach them.
Aidan, with his indulgent relationship with Nancy and his general air of harmony and sunshiny happiness these days, just laughed it off and went to the barbers. He came home with this sleek pompadour style with shaved sides and back, and I swear to God, a bit of drool literally fell from my mouth when he walked in. The enthusiastic blow job and subsequent fuck against the front door were enough to convince him that I loved it, and he’s kept up with it ever since. He’s so fucking sexy; I can’t take my eyes off him sometimes.
Over the last few months, his anxiety has eased significantly. It hasn’t suddenly been cured because obviously mental health is not like that, but his panic attacks are very much fewerand farther between. But he went back to his counsellor, Angela, who has been, as her name suggests, an angel for him. His initial anxiety after I was taken by force back to London took a bit of getting over, and he had frequent nightmares that I’d been taken. I remember vividly the night he woke up and couldn’t find me because I had gotten out of bed to take a piss, and his panic attack was so bad I had to call Nash, who sedated him.
That was the day he decided to go back to see Angela. I’ve also continued with my counselling, and it’s been so helpful in processing all the things that have happened to me throughout my life. I dealt with my feelings about Dan, the rape, the violence, and the kidnapping in a relatively short time. Right now, my sessions are filled with grief and abandonment issues about my mum. Fucking brains, man – they’re wild – and yet I will always recommend therapy. For everyone. Even if you’re well-balanced and neurotypical, therapy can just make sure you stay that way. Things aren’t fully settled. Dom is who knows where, something that I know bothers Corey a lot. Nash is great at calming his stress, though – but that’s a story for another day.
My other therapy is my dancing. Since Archer, Cole, and Aidan got the studio fixed up for me after Dan destroyed it, I’ve danced prettymuch every day. Sometimes Aidan watches me, sometimes I go in there alone. When he wants to watch, I make sure I dance in only my lace underwear, which drives him wild until he ends up fucking me against the pole again. Fuck – I love when he does that. There was this one time where he tied me to it and ummph – yeah, that was a great day. Corey doesn’t have the same relationship I do with dance. He felt like he had escaped it, and I think just the sight of the pole brings up a lot of shit for him. But I’m so proud of the way he has nurtured his passion for art, something he never had the opportunity to do. He works part-time at the pub still as well and is very popular in the village because of his inimitable personality. Wren lives there with Sam now – fuck, that was an epic saga which I won’t go into now. Another tale for another day.
Aidan asked me if I could sacrifice a day of dancing so we could come and enjoy the good weather on the boat, and, of course, when my love asks something of me, which he does so rarely, I say yes.
It’s Ladybird’s maiden voyage since her repairs were finished last week. I love this boat. She’s my favourite one in the hire fleet. Maybe because she’s a little like me, a survivor. She was broken beyond belief, but then with Aidan’s love, care, and attention, she came back to life.And now she’s carrying us across the sparkling water in our favourite place while the sun beams down on us. I look at Aidan and give him a huge grin, which he returns immediately, holding his hand out for me. I make my way down the side deck from the bow of the yacht, where I was shamelessly living my best Kate Winslet in Titanic moment – before the door incident – and shuffle carefully back to my love.
I place my hand in his, and he pulls me to him, wrapping a muscular arm around my shoulders and kissing the top of my head. The Broad is busier than the last time we sailed here in Ladybird since it’s now the summer season, and Ladybird’s first paying guests are taking her out next week. We have to be more watchful of the motor-cruisers being cluelessly skippered by families all having a great time. But we make the most of it and sail late into the afternoon. We moor up near the nature reserve island in the middle of the water and throw down front and rear mud weights to hold us in position.
I go down below and prepare the charcuterie and cheese board I prepared yesterday for this very trip. When I emerge back onto the rear deck, Aidan is nowhere to be found. Unless he decided to take a swim in the sparkling – yes – but still murky waters of the Norfolk Broads, he must be somewhere. I look forward to the foredeck andsee the top of Aidan’s head as he leans back against the cabin siding. I place the grazing board on the roof of the cabin and climb up before picking it up and walking along the roof to him.
I set it down on the small hatch that conceals the storage locker where mooring hooks and spare ropes are kept. I sit down beside him, and we tuck in, happily munching away together in silence. He soon produces a bottle of red wine that I didn’t realise he had brought with him and pours us each a glass, which he presumably had hidden somewhere in that locker. We toast to us and a glorious day. I take a sip and look out in wonder at the beautiful view in front of me and the rich, smooth flavour of my favourite Cabernet Sauvignon.
When I turn back to Aidan, he’s no longer sitting on his backside leaning against the cabin. No. He’s kneeling. On. One. Knee.
Tears instantly fill my eyes, and a sob escapes me without my permission. He lets out a small chuckle.
“I haven’t even said anything yet,” he says.
“But I know what you’re going to say, and I know what I’m going to say, and—” He shuts me up with a finger over my lips.
“Will you let me say what I want to say before you answer me?” I nod, because duh! “Thank you.” He kisses me and I melt. “Rain, baby. You are the love of my life. I thought I was destined to live my little life alone with just my obnoxious brothers and Wren for company. But then you put your finger down on a map and landed in my life. You brought me back to life, and I will never stop being grateful.”
Tears are absolutely streaming down my face now, and I don’t even try to stop them. Aidan kisses the tears away before continuing.
“I want to spend every moment of forever, and a few moments more, loving you with every breath in my body.” He reaches into his jeans pocket and pulls out a small, black velvet box. “Rain Johnson, love of my life. My beautiful sunshine. Will you make me the happiest man on Earth and marry me?”
He smiles, his confidence in my answer obvious, but I give him the words anyway.
