Page 44 of Mornings By the Linden Tree
“Can someone cut off my nose?” she asked as she poked at her tiny nose.
“It’s just a saying. It means a foolish person does something painful to themselves to harm someone else,” I explained while easing my left foot from my home loafers. Just the left. But I let it rest atop my loafer to see if exposing my sock foot to the world was doable.
“I think that is silly,” she stated with all the surety of a child.
“So do I,” I concurred as my left toes cooled off. She went back to watching Lucy, who was giving psychiatric help to her friends for a nickel. A very fair price. I looked down at Lennon gazing at the television on the wall. “I know this may not be the best time to bring this up again, but perhaps you should consider getting a loan to start your own party company. Make it a small LLC with only you as the sole employee and owner. Stated in your literature that your company is inclusive and open to helping all people celebrate that special child’s birthday.”
“I don’t have the funds. I spent the little bit I had saved on a new battery and those useless demo CDs.” He sighed, letting his head fall to my shoulder. “I could always go back to being a barista. At least the hours were steady, the tips good, and no one cared if you were gay. Can’t corrupt a cup of coffee.”
I cinched him closer. “I would be happy to help financially.” I felt him tense. “No, don’t dismiss it out of hand.”
“Sorry, but I am already walking a real fine line being your daycare provider while we’re dating.”
I waved that off with a dismissive huff. “Please. As if straight people don’t sleep with the nanny all the time.”
He sat up, his jaw tight. Oh dear. “Sure, because if the straights do it, then it’s okay. I really should not be—” His chest expanded. “This is not the conversation to have now. I need some coffee.”
With that, Lennon rose and padded into the kitchen.
Valeria looked at me anxiously. “Is Lennon mad at us?”
“No, honey, he’s mad at the rest of the world. You stay here and watch the show. I’m going to go talk to him.” I slid my foot back into my loafer and stood. “I’ll bring you some penguin cheese crackers and a juice box to tide you over until the chowder is ready.”
“Okay. Tell Lennon it is okay to feel your feelings. Dr. Baba says so.” I patted her head and went to find my boyfriend. Thatterm felt funny in my mouth. Not unpleasant, just…unusual. I found him peeling potatoes into the sink with a single-minded determination. The cut of his dress shirt across his shoulders made my mouth water. As did the tightness of his slacks over that delectable ass.
“Mrs. Polkowski is folding clothes,” he told me without looking at me.
“Wonderful. Since you’re doing the potatoes, I’ll start the base.” We worked in slightly stilted silence, except for the sound of cartoons floating into the kitchen. After I browned some bacon and onions, he added the potato chunks and water. I turned up the heat and rotated to study him as he filled a bowl with cold water, then dumped some salt into it before adding the clams. The clams would sit for thirty minutes or so to “purge” any sand inside them before we lifted them out with a slotted spoon to rinse them thoroughly.
“Lennon,” I opened with. He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have mentioned—”
“No, hey, no, it’s me.” His cheeks billowed on his exhale. He wiped his hands on a dish towel and turned to face me. “I had a shitty day and took it out on you.”
“If you truly feel that we should not be intimate while I am signing your paycheck, then I am willing to put our sexual encounters on a shelf until such time you are no longer in my employ.”
“I don’twantto shelf our encounters,” he softly said. “Honestly, I’m just in a mood. I really do not want to be stuck where I am. I feel like I should be making some forward momentum in my life, but I’m not, at least not musically. That’s where the frustration is. Not what you and I have. The only good thing I have is coming here to spend time with Valeria during the day and then with you at night.”
I opened my arms. He moved into my embrace, my senses flooded with the aroma of lime. I tucked him tightly into my chest, and he melted into the hold.
“Sorry for being such a whiner,” he mumbled into my work shirt, a dark pink cotton with small pearly white buttons. His arms held me close. “Tell me about your day.”
“Well,” I said as the water behind us heated. “Valeria’s father was located.” His head came up so quickly, he nearly jammed his skull into my jaw. When his eyes found mine, they were as round as silver dollars.
“No shit,” he whispered, tension tightening his features.
“No shit. Thankfully, the man recently passed away.” Confusion tangled his brows. I then filled him in on the man’s past. Each revelation made the knot of his brow ease, only to be replaced with shock and then slight worry. “I’ve been preoccupied all afternoon with trying to find the correct words and tones to tell her about him when she asks. Is it cowardly of me to say I pray she doesn’t enquire about him until she’s an adult?”
“No, no, that’s normal, I think. I tend to put painful things off all the time. Poor kid. She’ll have a lot to deal with when she’s older.”
“She will, yes, and I plan to be there with her when she has to work through her parents. She must be made to see that no matter what our past was, we can rise above it.” He nodded. “So, to that end, I’m feeling a need to see some water. Would you like to go to the cottage again?”
He opened his mouth to reply when his phone buzzed. “Sorry, let me check. This could be a job offer.” His eyes darted down to his cell after he pulled it from his back pocket. “Nope, it’s my mom.”
“Ah, then take it. I’ll fork the potatoes.” I released him and turned back to the stove. The water hadn’t even started to boil,so I opted to chop up the herbs as he spoke to his mother. He’d not mentioned us to her yet. Some of that was him being cautious as we were relatively new, and I was walking a very new road with this boyfriend situation. It seemed prudent to make sure we were secure in our relationship before telling the world. I paid no mind to his conversation, my head filled with random notations about Valeria and the legal system. Also, if we did go to Nantucket, I would need to notify the housekeeping company to have them open things up for us.
“Hey, uhm, I have a thing to discuss,” Lennon said, pulling me from the mental list I was making inside my head. I glanced his way as I laid the knife on the cutting board to give him my full attention. “My brother just proposed to his girlfriend, and she said yes.”
A spark of joy glowed in his previously dull blue eyes. “That’s wonderful,” I replied.
