Page 11 of Now that I Found You
There’s a quiver in my voice and Kinsley must hear it, too, as she repeats again, “It’s going to be okay, Ellie. I promise.”
Time seems to creep by slowly as I wander around the house aimlessly waiting for her to get here. I try to busy myself with laundry and loading the dishwasher, but the entire time my mind is on the thought of me being pregnant. I picture the look on Callum’s face when I tell him, remembering the night in our bed when he told me he wanted to give me a baby.
For so long, I never thought the love I have found with Callum would ever be possible. I was just getting through life, day by day. The day I met him at the bus station, it was like my entire world shifted and everything fell into place.
Every day from that point forward, I’ve felt like I’ve been subconsciously holding my breath. Sadly, every time something good happens in my life, there is always a blow to reality reminding me never to forget how quickly it can be taken away.
There’s a part of me that wants to be over the moon at the thought of having a baby of my own. Then there’s the very real part of me that’s terrified out of the fear it could all be taken away from me. That’s the exact reason why I decide to hold off on telling Callum until I know for certain I’m pregnant, no matter what this test says.
As much as I want to see the look on his face when I tell him we’re having a baby, nothing would compare to the moment I would have to tell him our dreams are no longer the reality we thought. I just couldn’t bear the thought of taking this from him the same way life has taken from me countless times.
There’s a harsh knock on the door and for the first time in the past hour, I’m finally moving around with a sense of urgency. My feet skid across the floor from my socks, as I hurry toward the door, swinging it open to see Kinsley standing there smiling while holding the bag in the air.
“I got the goods. Let’s do this!”
Leave it to Kinsley to break up the tension I was feeling before. I can’t help but laugh as her eyebrows wag, before she bounces in through the door, kicking off her shoes behind her.
“Okay,” she pauses, reaching in the bag and tossing it onto the back of the couch. She pops open the box, unwrapping the stick before shoving it into my hands. “You take the little cap off the end there and pee on the end of this thing.”
Crinkling my nose up, I reply, “Yeah, I’ve seen the commercials.”
Kinsley follows along behind me to the bathroom. Leaning against the wall opposite of the door, she crosses her arms over her chest and smiles at me. “I’ll wait here for you.”
Flashing a forced smile, I push the door shut and go through the motions of taking the test.
“You okay in there?” Kinsley’s reassuring voice filters through the crack in the door.
I push the cap back on the test and set it down on the edge of the sink, before pulling the door open.
“Well?” she asks, looking at me.
“I’m not sure yet. Still waiting,” I sigh, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub massaging my forehead.
“You really shouldn’t be so worried. It’s going to be okay.”
“Is it? I don’t know the first thing about being a mom, Kinsley. Not a clue. Hell, I’m still convinced I’m failing at this whole wife thing already. Ever since we’ve been home, all I’ve been doing is lying around and sleeping. This child would be screwed.”
“Oh, shut it,” she says, her reassuring voice gone. I stare up at her, caught off guard by the change in her tone. “You are not failing as a wife and you most certainly would not fail as a mom. You may have had a shitty example set in front of you, but I know you’ve told me how amazing your dad and Grams were.”
Tears well up in my eyes at her words. She’s right. My mom may not have been the parent I needed her to be after I lost my dad, but I still had two amazing people in my life who showed me how to treat a child with love.
The mood shifts when Kinsley picks up the test, before glancing up at me and back down to the test.
“What?” I hurry to stand, reaching for the stick.
“I can’t tell if there’s a line or if I’m just imagining things. Do you see it?”
There’s a faint line on the test. My eyes dart between the test and to the diagram that tells you how to determine if it’s positive or not.
“Oh God, what does this mean?” I cry, looking at the faint line on the pregnancy test.
“It’s okay. These types of things happen. You’ll just have to make an appointment with your lady doctor, and they’ll do a blood test for you. At this point, that may be the only way to know for certain.”
The sound of knocking at the door forces my eyes wide.
“Good lord, Ellie, calm down. It’s just Brea. She called me while you were in the bathroom and wanted to stop by.”
I let out a heavy sigh of relief, as guilt rolls through my stomach. I hate how panicked I am at the thought of telling Callum right now.
