Page 41 of Until I Found You
“You think I didn’t think about calling you a hundred times? I tried, Graham, I tried.”
“You tried?” he asks, confused. “I didn’t have a missed call from you.”
“I’m not talking about just last night, I’m talking about over the past five years. I tried calling you. I tried reaching out to you, checking in to see how you were doing. In the beginning, I did tell myself you were hurting after losing Gage, but the more I tried to talk to you, for you to only deny me, I just gave up. So, forgive me for not racing to you when something happens and for thinking you’d be there for me. I’ve tried that before, and it didn’t get me anywhere.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“I know you are, Graham, I get it. I know you’re sorry. It doesn’t change that I’ve been without you for the past five years. It doesn’t change the fact every time I’ve needed you, you haven’t been there. Did you even know I lost my Grandma Mary last spring? You think I didn’t want to call you then? I’ve been trying to just get through life not having you around, okay? You’re not the only one who’s lost people, Graham. You’re not the only one who’s been through shit. It doesn’t give you an excuse or an out to give up on the people who’ve been there for you since day one.”
I unclasp his hands from around my waist and push myself to stand, taking a step away from him. I look around for my sandals, wanting to just get away from him and go back to the reception.
“No, stop,” he pleads, reaching his hand out as he fumbles to stand. “Wait, please. Dammit, Halle.”
“Wait for what, Graham? Huh? Wait for you? I’ve done that already. I’ve wasted five years waiting on you, hoping you’d come back for me. I’ve hoped all along I’d wake up, thinking one day this would all be a terrible fucking dream. But it’s not, okay? It’s real life, this is reality. This is who we are now. We can’t sit out here, staring up at the sky thinking we can go back to the way things were before. It’s not that fucking easy.”
“Don’t you think I know that? God, Halle, don’t you think I haven’t thought about how I wish we could go back? If I could go back and change everything, I would.”
“It’s not that easy, Graham! You’re not listening to me!” I yell, holding my hands up to my head.
“Nothing in life is easy, Halle. Nothing.”
Behind Graham, I see Kinsley run out the barn door. Her eyes are wide and frantic as she looks around presumably for us.
“What is wrong with you two? Why are you yelling?”
Rolling my eyes, I look back at Graham. I want to yell at him for making me so damn frustrated. I’m standing in a fucking field shouting at him about the past and everything we can’t change.
Graham reaches up, running his hands through his hair as he turns to look back at Kinsley. “Sorry, Kins. Everything’s fine. We’re just talking.”
Kinsley looks back at me. I can read the question in her eyes. She trusts Graham, but she wants to make sure I’m alright too.
“We’re fine, Kins. Sorry, we just got carried away and forgot where we were.”
“Well, everyone in here heard you so you may want to remember before you carry on. We’re about to cut the cake though, so if you want some you may want to come back in soon.”
“Yeah,” I sigh, “I’ll be back in there in a minute.”
With a head nod, Kinsley disappears back into the barn, pulling the door shut behind her giving us a little privacy. Maybe she doesn’t trust we can keep it down, who knows.
“Halle, I’m sorry. I didn’t bring you out here to dredge up old feelings or argue with you. I just wanted to forget everything that’s happened, everything going on right now and just be with you. Just you and me. You always had a way of making me forget all the bullshit going on around me. I just needed to feel that again. I needed you.”
Whatever is going on in his life is starting to wear on him. For the first time tonight, I notice the bags under his eyes and the tiredness weighing on his face. He still looks every bit of handsome he’s always been, but there’s a lost look to his eyes. I feel bad for adding to it even though we needed to talk about this.
“Is it your mom? Is she okay?”
“Yeah, she’s fine. I promise. She misses you though. She’s been asking about you.”
I feel bad, it’s been a while since I’ve been by to see her. I knew Graham was home and, to be honest, I was staying away for that reason. I hate myself for it now.
“What is it then? Is it about Krate? Maverick said you guys hadn’t been following him, that he’s probably on drugs and paranoid. Is that true?”
“Halle, it’s nothing you need to worry about. I promise, everything is fine. Just things have been stressing me out at work since the opening. I’ve had some long nights with my mom, but I can assure you she’s okay. Can you please just sit with me for a little bit? Then, we’ll go back inside, and I’ll get you some cake.”
He holds out his hand to me and like the fool that I am, I go back to him. Every damn time I go running back to him.
“I never did thank you for that night in Chicago,” he whispers, pulling me close to him again. He must see the confusion on my face as I stare up at him.
“For which part exactly?”
“For coming to me, that night after we got back to the hotel from Velvet.”
I want to wince at the mention of that night, the embarrassment of how it all went down. God, it was like I couldn’t help myself anymore. I needed him so badly.
“You are so fucking sexy, Halle. Dear God,” he moans, and I swear my heart drops at the sound. He pulls me close to him again, as his hand wraps around my waist, anchoring me to him. “It took everything in me not to take you right there. I wanted to,” he groans, tilting his head up toward the sky. “Fuck, I wanted to take you so damn bad. It took every bit of willpower left in me to carry you back to your room and put you to bed. Watching you fall apart like that for me, giving me a piece of you after all this time.”
Raking my nails down his chest, I stare up at him, waiting for him to look back down at me. The need I feel churning in me now, racing through me, is running wild.
I want him so damn bad.
“Graham,” I moan. “I need you.”
