Page 76 of Tender
Yes, it was what he’d always wanted, but as Emmett had learned very early on, wanting and having were two very different things.
He made his way outside. The day was hot and humid with fat clouds hanging out over the water. It promised another storm which he didn’t mind. It meant keeping his men close to him tonight. It meant playing protector a bit because neither one of them particularly liked storms.
He enjoyed being that for them.
He realized having Miles around had changed him. He didn’t need to twist himself into uncomfortable shapes for Emmett anymore, and while he would never regret doing that for the man he loved, watching Emmett get what he needed without someone having to compromise themselves finally gave him the feeling that they were doing something right.
Reaching the pool house, Cosimo knocked softly, then poked his head in. Miles was on the bed with his laptop, and it was obvious he hadn’t heard him or noticed the door opening. For a moment, Cosimo thought about turning around and leaving, but then he heard a familiar voice coming from the screen.
It was not Miles’s advisor.
“…and I don’t know why I did. I was just so angry.” It was Selene. “At them. At you. I don’t know.”
His heart started skittering around in his chest. This sounded like an apology.
Miles sighed. “I mean, if anyone gets trauma, you know it’s me. But I don’t know why I was such an easy target. Or why you seemed to enjoy it so much.”
There was another long beat of silence, then she said, “I didn’t. It felt good for a second, you know? Like this rush of power? Then I felt like shit. I didn’t love you.”
Cosimo saw anguish flood across Miles’s face, but it wasn’t heartbreak. It was more like having a painful truth confirmed.
“I know you didn’t.”
“You were easy. You stuck around and let me get away with my bullshit. You didn’t try to use guilt to stop me from being that way. Even my dads…you know…they were always trying to make me see it their way.”
Miles let out a bitter laugh. “I would have killed for that family when I was little. And you treated them like they were freaks.”
“It was embarrassing, okay? Like, you know me, Miles. You know I’m not ashamed of who they are. But trying to explain that a man gave birth to you to a bunch of middle school kids…?”
Cosimo winced. He understood, but he also knew that it left Emmett emotionally bleeding out every time Selene pretended to be adopted.
“…not fair to them,” Miles was saying when Cosimo tuned back in. “They love you so fucking much.”
“They love you more now.”
Miles laughed. “They love me different.”
God, she knew. Had he told her? Or had she figured it out?
“Yeah. I mean, thank God because then that would be really disgusting.” She was quiet for a beat. “Do you think they’d forgive me?”
At that, Miles looked up at him and met his gaze. He’d known. He’d known Cosimo was there the whole time. “That’s up to them. But you’ll never know until you try.”
“You forgave me,” she said.
Miles laughed and shook his head. “I’m nicer than them. Like you said, I’m a pushover?—”
“I didn’t mean it.”
“You did. And I can be. I get it. I’m a traumatized people pleaser with a mountain of childhood trauma and an abusive relationship to heal from. I’ll get better.” He bit his lip, then touched his chin with his fingers and signed, ‘Thank you.’
“For what?”
“I guess for being with me, because without you, I wouldn’t have met them.”
“Okay, um…we’re not going to talk about that much, alright? I can accept it. I deserve to be uncomfortable. My therapist said that the best thing I can do for myself is get used to that feeling, because if I want to actually be better, I have to accept that I did very bad things.”
“Mm.”
