Page 73 of Tender
“And then what?”
Letting out a trembling sigh, Miles shrugged. “Then I went in there to ask if he wanted to take a walk on the beach and he said no.”
Juno was dead silent, then he slapped his hand over his mouth to cover a laugh. “Babe! Are you serious?”
Miles rolled his eyes and buried his face in his arm. “Yes! I know it sounds ridiculous, but it was the way he said it. He wasn’t like his usual self. He just said no.”
“Honey. Can you look up at me, please, so I can make sure you’re getting all this?”
Miles lifted his eyes to the screen. “Go ahead. Tell me I’m a dipshit, pathetic loser who?—”
“Nope. None of that.” Juno pressed his chin into his hand and tilted his head to the side. “I think you probably have rejection sensitivity disorder. My therapist and I talked about that a couple years ago because I took being rejected really, really hard. Like even customers who refused a sample, it felt like a personal attack. It’s common with kids like us, you know?”
Miles hadn’t heard of it, but his ability to afford therapy had been restricted to the counselors on campus, and they weren’t exactly trained for kids with system trauma. It made sense. “So I’m making a big deal out of nothing?”
“No, you’re having big feelings about something, and you can fix it by talking to him. You know I get it, right?”
Miles nodded and took a calming breath as he read the captions on the screen. “Yeah. I know. You and Oliver are basically my lifeline with shit like this.”
“Did you call him?”
Miles grimaced. “I didn’t want to interrupt his happy home. I don’t need to rain on his post-honeymoon parade.”
Juno’s mouth twitched into something like a smile. “I get that. I have some shit I need to talk to you both about, but I’m on a road trip with Piper right now, so maybe we can get together when I’m back.”
“I really miss you,” Miles said, sniffing again. “I hope I have good news for you when you get back. I just…god. I feel so ridiculous saying this, but I want to be happy, and I thought maybe I could be.”
“If you don’t panic,” Juno told him carefully, “and self-sabotage the way assholes like you, me, and Oliver do, you will be.”
The words were harsh but honest. Miles couldn’t deny it. More than once he’d quietly wondered to himself if he was choosing someone like Selene because he’d spent years believing he wasn’t worthy of a family, and why change that pattern now?
“I don’t know how to let them love me,” he whispered. He didn’t know if they did, or would, or could. But the idea of it was there.
“Breathe, honey,” Juno said very quietly. “Breathe, and believe you’re worthy.”
“I love you,” Miles said. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too, babe. But I have to go. There’s ah…something you need to do. Talk soon.”
The screen went black and Miles frowned, entirely confused until a warm body settled on the sand beside him. He was too afraid to look over, but when Emmett nudged him, he was unable to help a tiny, happy grin.
“…understand me okay out here?” Emmett asked.
Miles nodded. “Yeah. I can.” Mostly. It was good enough for the moment, anyway.
“You could have told me you were feeling insecure, sweetness. You know that, right?”
The truth was, he didn’t know that. He wanted to believe it—he wanted to feel safe. But he would probably be petrified of being a burden for a long, long time. He couldn’t help that. Miles was falling hard and fast, and there was that fear now that if he was too much, he’d lose all this, and he wasn’t sure he’d recover from it.
“Can we go back inside?” Emmett asked. When Miles nodded, he stood up and offered his hand. Miles took it, thenfelt a sort of calm take over when Emmett didn’t let him go the whole walk back toward the house.
They rinsed sand from their feet in the pool, then Emmett led him to a massive, round sunbed with the shade up. It was covered in squashy pillows and thick cushions, and Miles felt a little bit like he was in a nest.
Emmett was a ballast beside him, strong and tender and ever-present. He didn’t speak right away. He just played with Miles’s hands—touching his fingertips, then tracing lines over his palm.
Miles wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. It was clear Emmett had overheard some of his conversation. He just didn’t know how much.
“I realize I fucked up,” Emmett finally said.
