Page 57 of Tender
He wasn’t in love with Miles yet, but when he looked at him, he could see a future there. And he knew he would be.
The master at procrastination when he wasn’t at work, Cosimo took the longest shower of his life. He thought about jerking off, but although his week with Emmett was over, he still rarely got himself off without his husband’s permission. Usually, when Emmett had to go out of town, he always told Cosimo to take care of himself if he felt like it.
This time, he didn’t.
And he knew that meant something.
He dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, trimmed his beard, combed his hair, stared at himself in the mirror for so long that he started to look alien, then finally made his way to the kitchen.
Miles was there, humming to himself and bobbing his head which probably meant he was listening to music in his processors. Cosimo stomped his foot on the ground, making Miles jump and turn, looking a little frightened.
Cosimo had forgotten Miles wasn’t used to having people get his attention that way. “Sorry.”
Miles shook his head and bit his lip. “It’s fine. I was in my own little world.”
“Listening to music?” Cosimo asked.
Miles looked slightly panicked. “Oh god, did I leave some on? I didn’t hear it.”
“No.” Cosimo gestured at his ear. “Your processors’ Bluetooth.”
“Oh. No,” he said with a small laugh. “No, these don’t have that. They’re literally ancient.”
Right. Because he hadn’t been given upgrades since he was a kid. Because every-fucking-body in his life had let him down.
“Em and I will help with that.”
Miles’s eyes went wide, and he stared like he wasn’t sure he understood Cosimo correctly. “You know they’re, like, thirty grand, right? And I don’t have insurance that’ll cover even part of it.”
Sitting down at the table where Emmett had left breakfast for them, he patted the seat beside him. Miles didn’t obey him the same way he did Emmett, and Cosimo kind of adored that. It set their dynamic. It meant he was going to have to work harder, and that was his comfort zone.
“I’m going to sound like a dickhead right now, okay?”
Miles blinked. “Um. Sure?”
He pushed coffee toward Miles, then the plate of fruit before he spoke again. “Emmett came from money, and I make a lot of it. Like…a lot. More than I need. We have investments and half the time we live off the interest. I started out my life in poverty, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t have to live that way again.”
“So you want to risk putting yourself in debt for something I don’t need?” Miles challenged.
Cosimo almost choked on his swallow of coffee. “Again, about to sound like an ass, but the last vacation we funded for Selene cost twice what new processors do. And I didn’t think twice. I just wired money into her account.” He leaned toward Miles and captured his gaze. “The fact that you think you don’t need it is also a problem. You like having them, right?”
Miles’s gaze shot down to his plate and he shrugged. “I…yeah. I mean, yes. I do. Sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting to be part of the Deaf community, but everyone I love is outside of it. And…and I like hearing. I like listening to sounds. It’s nice to feel it too, but…I don’t know. I like having both. I like being both.”
Cosimo felt his lips threatening to twitch upward. “So then youdoneed them, because you can’t keep dealing with broken pieces of shit that give you migraines.”
Miles swallowed heavily. Cosimo watched as it bobbed against the front of his throat. He fought the urge to reach out and touch him there. “I don’t know how to say yes.”
“It’s easy. Yes. It’s a pretty short word, and for a scholar, I feel like it’s one you should have mastered by now.”
“Fuck you,” Miles said, then slapped his hand over his mouth. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
Cosimo stared, then threw his head back and burst into laughter. “Do that more. I am begging.” Miles shook his head rapidly, but Cosimo just reached out and gently drew his hand down. “I mean it,” he murmured softly. “Do that more. I like it. I need you to feel safe here to say what you want.”
“I don’t actually want…well,” he fumbled over his words. “Idowant that. I mean. Um.”
Cosimo watched him flail for a moment, letting himself smile.
“I don’t want to insult you,” the younger man said, finally finding his words.
