Page 34 of The Road Ahead
It was Cooper who cut me off this time. “I’m a bottom!” he blurted. “Sorry to interrupt you, but you should know that. I know it’s weird for some people to hear that, but I can’t help my preferences.” He couldn’t meet my eyes, and he added, in almost a whisper, “I hope it doesn’t ruin things between us.”
“Oh, Coop.” I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and drew him into a hug. He was shaking, and I wondered how long he’d been feeling anxious about telling me this. “That wouldneverbe a deal breaker for me. There are so many ways we can be sexually compatible together that don’t involve that. Have you been worried about this?”
He nodded, hunching over and burying his face against my throat. “A bit.”
“Does it help if I tell youI’vebeen worried about telling you I’m a top?”
He pulled back and looked at me with relief in his eyes. “You have? You are?”
I nodded. “I totally get why you’ve been worried. I kinda understandexactlywhat kind of assumptions get made about shit like that.”
He let out a long breath. “I’ve had some bad reactions to the news in the past.”
“Yeah? Well, those people were assholes who didn’t deserve you.” I kissed him, just a reassuring peck. “Even if it hadn’t worked out that we prefer the opposite to one another, I never want to make you uncomfortable. If there’s anything we do that you want to stop, or don’t want to do, please tell me.”
Cooper nodded. “I will. Same goes for you.” He hesitated a moment and then said, “Can I ask a question? I’m a little worried it might come across as insensitive, but I kind of need to know the answer in case I say something that offends or upsets you.”
“Oh, Coop. I swear I’ll never get offended by anything you ask me out of love or concern.”
He nodded, but didn’t look quite convinced. He was almost wincing as he said, “So, um, what terms do you use for your genitalia? Like, in my head I’ve been thinking the way I always have, using cock or dick. But I don’t even want tothinkthose things if you prefer not to use them, since it feels disrespectful. I want to use the words you prefer.”
I hugged him to me tightly, pretty sure there was no one in this world more precious than Cooper Thomas. “Thank you, love, foraskingand not justassuming. It means the world to me that you care enough about me to ask.”
“You’re not mad?” he asked, his voice muffled from being pressed against the side of my head.
“Never,” I assured him. “And you’re all good since I use those terms as well.”
He pulled back, looking a little surprised. “You do?”
“I do.” I frowned a little, trying to work out how I was going to explain to him how I viewed myself since I’d never had to articulate it before. Now that I thought about it, it was actually really sad that no one else I’d ever been with had cared enough to ask me the question. “So, to me, my gender has absolutely nothing to do with what I use to pee. There are a lot of experts out there who classify gender as a social construct. It’s about our behaviours and roles in our community. The way I identify is how Ifeel. I don’tfeelmale or female. Some days I might feel more masculine or feminine, but not enough to be gender fluid. I truly don’t identify as any gender. Non-binary itself is an umbrella term that gets used to describe a lot of related butdifferent identities. I guess gender neutral is most accurate for me, but it’s easier to just say I’m non-binary so I don’t have to educate everyone I meet on the nuances.”
Cooper made a face. “Someone once told me that coming out isn’t just a once-off thing and I’ll be doing it with almost everyone I meet. It’s gotta be a hundred times harder for you, though, since I just gotta tell people who I like to get frisky with. You gotta defend your very existence.”
I gave him a small smile. “It sucks, yeah.”
“Okay, so, just to be one hundred percent sure, it’s okay if I mention your cock?”
I snorted. “I mean, maybe not to the guy at the gas station, but with me? Of course.”
Cooper gave me a cheeky wink. “Mostly for when I’m begging you to dick me down.”
Grinning, I shook my head. “You’re such a dork.” I paused, thinking of my own question. “So . . . are we going to tell your parents?” I paused as I rewound that in my head. “Um, I mean about us. Being together. Not about my cock or who prefers which position.”
Cooper snorted. “Yeah, I’m not really sure I want to bring up the fact that I like to take it up the ass to my parents. It might make family dinners a little awkward.”
“Shut up,” I groaned, pushing on his arm. “You know what I mean.”
Expression turning serious, Cooper ran a hand through his hair. “Urgh. I guess we’ll have to tell them we’re together. In a small town like Stony Creek, stuff like this doesn’t stay a secret for long. If they find out from someone other than us, it might not go well.”
I tapped my fingers on my knee as worst-case scenarios flitted through my mind. I’d already been discarded by my own dad for who I was. The possibility of losing my aunt and uncle as wellwas soul crushing. “Do you think they’ll react badly?” I finally asked in a small voice.
“I don’t know,” he said, heaving a sigh and rubbing at his face. “I’d like to think they wouldn’t. They’ve always said they just want me to be happy. And they fuckingadoreyou. But I don’t think this is something they’d ever expect to happen.”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the answer, but I had to ask. “What will you do if theydoreact badly?”
“Give them some time to process, I guess,” Cooper said after considering it. “Family is important to them, so I’d hope that they wouldn’t hold it against us forever.”
My stomach started to churn. Fuck, this could go so badly. “What happens if they disown you? I don’t want to be the cause of a falling out like that between you and your parents. I couldn’t stand it.”
