Page 48 of Liar's Heart
I wince. “I really am so sorry for that. In retrospect, at least. At the time? I was considering feeding your balls to you and hoping you choked. Roman might have been next. I hadn’t decided what we were going to do with him.”
Roman doesn’t say anything, but he does look between Len and me to verify whether or not that was a possibility. Neither of us comments further, but Len offers up a shrug that Roman scoffs at. I clear my throat and turn my eyes back to my husband. “I feel so fucking violated,” I whisper. “I don’t know what I would have done if…” I have to stop because my throat is closing again as I try to fight the tears back down.
He pulls me into his chest, holding me tight. “We would have figured it out together. We would have done whatever you wanted and needed to do. But we don’t have to, so we’re not going to worry ourselves with the what-ifs. We’re going to figure out who did this and put their heart in a box for it.”
I smile into his chest, letting the warm scent of his skin comfort me. Over my head, Ender says, “Since we kind of jumped right in, should we just keep going? Deal with dinner once we’re done or if we need a break?”
Roman and Len both voice their agreement. “Why don't we move to the study like we had planned. Roman, could you get me another ice pack, and then we'll meet you guys there?”
Len stands. “Here, let me help. We can grab some drinks and snacks to take up with us too.”
Roman joins her, and then it's just the two of us. Neither of us moves or speaks for a few breaths, doing that thing where our hearts sync and that connection between us runs warm and sweet. It’s wild how quickly this man has become my shelter, but he is. And I could have lost him today if he'd been responsible for this. I would have done what I had to, punished him as necessary, but I'm so fucking relieved that I don't.
Ender's chest rumbles under my forehead when he speaks. “Come with me to change?”
I nod and slide off his lap, swiping my heels and following him up to the bedroom. Once we're tucked safely behind the closed door, Ender fists the back of his T-shirt and pulls it off over his head. I hadn't noticed earlier, but he's wearing gray tactical pants like the ones he wore last night. It's not often he dresses so casually for the day, and I'm sad I didn't get to appreciate it until now. Tossing the soiled shirt with the rest of our dirty laundry, he pulls a clean black T-shirt out of his suitcase and sets it on the bed before approaching me. “Do you want to change or clean up or anything? Shower even?”
“I can—” I begin to protest, but he cuts me off.
“You can. You can take as much time as you need, however you need it. With or without me, even. Those two would absolutely tell you to take your time, and you know it. They'll be here all night anyway. Why don't you take a shower, and I'll join them. We can start without you or wait. It's your call.”
I sigh, letting some of the tension out. “A shower probably would do me a world of good right now. I want to ask you to join me, but I have a feeling we'll end up sidetracked, and it’s rude to keep Len and Roman waiting because of that.”
Heat flares in his eyes at the suggestion before it tamps down. “They can wait and get over it if you need me to fuck you better, baby. But… I can appreciate if you need some space from sex too. If you want me to join you and not let it turn sexual, I can do that. It's your call. Always your call, vix.”
“That brings up another point,” I broach. “We've never had a real conversation about family planning. I know this”—I gesture between us—“is still really new, but I realized while I was waiting for those test results that I had no idea how you’d even feel about a baby if it was positive.”
He takes a step closer to me. Then another, and another, until he has my face cupped in his palms and tilted to his. His eyes are swimming like storm-tossed waves. “You want to know how I'd feel if you told me you were pregnant with my child?” He gives his head a little shake. “Apart from you telling me that you loved me, that you wanted to be my wife in truth, that youforgaveme? I can't think of anything else I'd love to hear you say more. I want everything you'll give me. Anything. Children included. But,” he hedges, “considering the circumstances, if today had gone differently, I would have understood if you couldn't go through with the pregnancy. And I would have supported your decision. Really.”
A wry, watery smile forms at his words. I can't help butpoint out what's missing from his statement. “Understood and supported. But that doesn't tell me how you'd feel about it.”
My husband's tongue pokes into his cheek in a clear you-got-me maneuver. “That's… complicated,” he offers.
Scoffing, I shoot him down. “Everything about this is fucking complicated. Has been since long before you and me. I can handle complicated. Just tell me.”
Ender hangs his head, accepting defeat on this point, before swinging it back up and delivering his truth. “I’d be sad, yeah. I’m not going to lie about that, and I think some part of you would be too. But a lot of that sadness would be because something that should be good and happy and celebrated between us was corrupted by someone else, not because of you. And truth be told? I’d be relieved too. Things are heading in a direction I wouldn’t want to risk my pregnant wife with, and we could really use you on the ground with us. Not to mention the idea of bringing a child into the same situation I was raised in is fucking terrifying and?—”
I cut him off with a hand on his chest, covering that all-seeing eye. “Not the same. It wouldn’t be the same situation. They’d have us raising them and us protecting them. And we would never let the shit your father subjected you toon purposehappen to them. I’ll vow it in blood right fucking now if you need me to. That legacy has already ended.”
He covers my hand with his own and whispers a thick “Thank you” before clearing his throat. “You’re right. But it’d be a lot easier if we, you know, committed treasonbeforewe had kids.”
My cheeks pull wide in a feral smile. I have no doubt the emotional toll of the day has wiped away any of my typically schooled composure by now. “So let's commit treason, husband of mine.”
After depositingMerrick into the shower, I clean up my face, toss on a new shirt, and softly shut the bedroom door behind me. Sinking back against it, I survey the hall. I want to scrub my eyes with the heels of my palms, but my face is fucking throbbing thanks to the angel of vengeance, also known as my wife. Not that I blame her. Given what she thought when she walked in, I would have expected far worse in retaliation. And, honestly, I'm pretty proud of the badass I get to call mine. That hook she threw was no joke.
But neither is someone violating her like that. Her body, her safety. I'm disgusted and furious that anyone would even consider touching her, let alone try it and succeed. And the thought that this could’ve happened while she was in my care? Her retribution doesn't even touch how much I’m beating myself up over this.
Roman and Len both turn when I walk into the study but make no attempt to separate from where they are huddled together on the couch talking. Ro grabs an ice pack and offers it to me, which I thank him for. Len looks at me expectantly when Merrick doesn't walk in immediately behind me. “She'staking a shower and will join us when she's done. Said not to wait for her.”
Flopping down onto the couch across from theirs, I rest my head on the back, close my eyes, and set the ice pack on my face, letting its weight balance it there. I'm not really sure this feels any better, but it’ll help with the swelling. Eventually. “This is so beyond fucked up,” Len says.
“You're telling me,” I mumble. “Do either of you have any thoughts on who it could be that are any different from mine, or are we all thinking the same thing?”
“I think we've all reached the same conclusion,” Roman says. “I'm not really sure why or how, but if anyone has a track record of thinking Merrick belongs to him and acting accordingly in really unhinged ways, it's Alec.”
“Why does he have such a hard-on for her?” Len sounds exasperated. “We never thought it was personal, but from the little bit Roman's clued me in on, it sounds like that's not the case at all.”
That's the launch point for our divulgence, and Len listens intently as we go through revelation after revelation. Merrick's parents, Ox, the brides. We spare her nothing. Eventually, Merrick joins us, sitting next to her best friend with a tight grip on her hand as Len slowly turns more and more ashen. Roman interjects where needed. We show her the will. He tells her how he managed to get it amended on such short notice, how he and Ox hid the money allocated to us and why. I skim over as much of Ox's execution as I can. Tears silently slide down Merrick’s face to hear it all again, but Len's eyes stay dry.
