Page 38 of Liar's Heart
That earns me a light smack on the ass. “Brat.”
I bat my eyelashes at him. “Grandpa.”
He opens his mouth to retort, but I’m saved by two sharp knocks on the door, letting us know that breakfast has been delivered. Ender slides out of bed and tugs on a pair of sweatpants. “You’re not off the hook for that.”
I prop myself up on the pillows while he retrieves the tray at the door. Wiggling back into them, I call out, “Sure hope not.”
Ender returns, and we divvy up the contents of the tray, drizzling syrup on waffles and passing the sugar and creamer between us before tucking into our plates. God, I don’t know what Kenna does to these things, but they’re fucking amazing. Light and fluffy on the inside, but the outside has a layer of caramelized sugar to it that gives a little crunch to each bite. So good.
They're gone in no time, so we move the tray and settle into our pillows, coffee mugs in hand. Conditions now met, I don’t waste time asking follow-up questions. “You said you came to Ox's funeral but never made your presence known. Why?”
Ender sets his mug on his nightstand before answering. “Like I said, I had every intention of meeting with you then. At least to establish contact so we could eventually become better acquainted and maybe to explain myself a little. But I watched you at the funeral and…” He swallows. “You were inconsolable, Merrick. I expected you to be upset. I expected tears and grief, but even from a distance, you looked like you were breaking apart from the inside out. You could barely hold yourself upright.”
I remember. That day almost killed me. I remember standing next to his grave, staring at the lowered casket sprinkled with flowers and dirt and wondering if anyone would notice if I crawled down there with him before it was too late to stop me. Finding out Ox was dead was hard. Looking at his cold, sallow corpse was hard. But seeing him in his grave was too much. It felt like the final boundary that could neverbe crossed, like he was finally going somewhere I couldn’t follow. Everything leading up to that moment felt like we were still taking care of him, still loving him, but this was us abandoning him to rot.
Just like my parents.
Except a child expects to have to bury their parents one day, even though that day came earlier than I thought it would for both of mine. And I still had Ox. Obviously, I knew one of us would die before the other, but I thought it'd be after we'd had a chance to live a little first. Losing my parents made me feel lonely, but losing Ox made me feelalone. And that was Alec's plan the whole time.
I nod my head, encouraging him to go on. “I couldn't bear the thought of causing you any more pain than I already had, and?—”
I cut him off. “You didn't. Even before everything you told me yesterday, I knew you didn't. I still intended to hold you accountable for your part in it, but I knew it wasn't your call. I meant what I said, End. I forgive you.”
His gray eyes turn misty, and he offers me a weak smile. “That means more to me than you'll ever know. But it's how I felt at the time—how I felt for a long time. I was worried when you eventually found out about the contract and the will that you’d think I was being manipulative, but it was clear you weren't going to be in the headspace for me to tell you all of this for a good while, so I waited. I kept tabs on you, made sure you were safe, but I waited. Ro and I had a lot going on then, too, like figuring out how to distance ourselves from Alec without getting ourselves killed, coming up with a business model, and starting Typhon. These were all measures I needed to put in place before marrying you to keep Alec as far away from you as possible, both physically and financially. Not to mention, we didn't know where to even begin with dismantling the human trafficking ring we stumbled upon. By the time I felt like I could even considerapproaching you, you seemed… happy. Settled. Like I was going to come in and ruin everything all over again. So I waited.”
“Yeah. Eight years,” I point out. “I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that we were betrothed for that long, and I had no idea. I mean, I understand your reasoning. But… shit. I saw other people. Isleptwith other people. While betrothed.”
Ender shakes his head. “You didn’t know. You didn’t owe me any sort of loyalty until you agreed to marry me, as far as I’m concerned.”
Jealousy flares inside me. Two days ago, he’d asked me how long it’d been since I’d slept with someone, a reasonable question from a new partner for a variety of reasons. But his answer was vague, and even though I wasn’t celibate after Ox, I never actually entered into a relationship with someone else. It’s not reasonable for me to be upset about things he did when we weren’t together, but my brain isn’t as fast as my heart or my mouth this time, and the words are out before I know it. “Because you were seeing other people?”
He scrubs a hand down his face, cheeks turning pink. Sighing, he says, “No. Not because I was seeing other people. I…” He hesitates for a moment, turning pinker. “You didn’t know, so I don’t fault you for acting single since, as far as you knew, you were. But I did know.”
Connecting the dots, I start to ask, “You haven’t…”
Ender cuts me off, looking me in the eye. “Not since you became mine. I couldn’t. Every time I considered it, it felt like I was cheating on you. Eventually, I gave myself permission to stop wondering if I should entertain anyone else to keep up appearances.”
“So the other day?—”
“Was the first time I’d had sex in eight years, yes.”
Now I’m the one blushing. I take a drink of my coffeewhile I gather my thoughts again, then I ask, “So why now? What changed to make you pursue marriage now?”
“Alec. He's pushed for me to make good on my ‘purchase’ ever since the Council refused to overturn it, probably in a bid to get you within his grasp. He's gotten more aggressive in his insistence lately. I decided it was as good a time as we were going to get before he made whatever play he's going to make. Because therewillbe something, vix. He's not going to let my disobedience go unpunished, even all these years later. I just don't know what he's got up his sleeve.”
An involuntary shiver runs up my spine. “God, he's so fucking gross. I don't know how you can stand him.”
He shakes his head. “I can't. I would've killed him years ago if I were sure it wouldn't make the situation worse. As Charon, I'd have access to more intel but would be watched more closely. I'd be more likely to be replaced if they suspected I wasn't compliant with their operation. And if I'm dead, Roman will have no way to track victims. He'd have to start over with fewer resources.
“Speaking of, I want to bring Roman and Len in and officially combine forces on this. No more working against each other.”
Ender pauses before cautiously asking, “Do you think Len would be okay with that? With… me? Us? Roman?”
“Len will be fine. I'm going to call her later today and tell her about us. And that we need to all meet next week to strategize while we're in town. She's not heartless. She'll be happy that I'm happy. I just don't want to blindside her with this.”
He reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Do whatever you need to, baby. I’ll tell Roman to join us down there too.”
“Do you think he can make it?”
