Page 72 of The Prizes We Win
“I told her she’d get a pass, not you.” Dante levels him with a glare, and Enzo just laughs. Enz pats him on the back and ushers him out the door.
My eyes find Sebastian, only to find him staring at the ground. And for once, I know whatheneeds before he does. We all do it, but more than anyone, Sebastian needs to not put the weight of the world on his shoulders.
And it may be partially our fault. We rely on him for too much, too often. And while we know he is indispensable and irreplaceable, I know by the look on his face, the one I’ve seen far too often as of late, we’ve made him feel inexhaustible. Like he needs to be firing on all cylinders at all times. Like his talents are limitless. His drive is limitless. His ability to see and fix everything is limitless.
But he's not. He is not limitless.
As amazingly talented, smart, hard-working, and committed as he is, everyone has their limits. And if he doesn’t learn that the fate of the world is, in fact, not on his shoulders, he’s going to crumble. “Sebastian.” His eyes don’t lift from the floor. “Mio Re.” Slowly, he looks up at me, and I nod to Clara. “Talk to her.”
Sighing heavily, he turns to look at Clara still sitting on the couch next to Josephine. “I’m so, so sorry,” he says softly. Confusion crosses Clara’s face as she looks up at him. “If I had known you were here, I never would’ve—” He swallows harshly and shakes his head. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Josephine move to stand, but I subtly signal her with my hand to stay put. He needs to do this on his own. “If I’d known you were here, Clara, I would have never locked the floor. I would have had us all get here sooner. I’m—I’m so sorry.”
Clara’s eyes gloss over once again as she looks to me. I give her a subtle dip of the chin before she looks back to Sebastian and stands from the couch. Just when I think she’s going to take the sweet approach, Clara places her hands on her full hips and narrows her eyes. “Sebastian Moore, don’t you dare.” Seb does a double take and I have to curl my lips in to stop from smiling. “Considering you are the smartest person I know, you thinking what happened is your fault is one of the dumbest things I’ve heard.”
Now I have to put my hand over my mouth. So does Josephine.
Clara takes two small steps so she’s standing directly in front of Sebastian. She crooks her finger at him and makes the come hither motion. Knowing there’s no use, he bends down so he’s at eye level with her. “You cannot control everyone and everything. You are not God, Sebastian. You’ve got to learn to unclench and let go.”
“But I—”
“Sebastian, I can’t forgive you because there’s nothing to forgive. Do you understand me?”
Sebastian stares at her for a moment, and I see the moment when what she’s saying to him resonates. It’s like something visibly shifts inside of him. And as I watch it happen, I feel like I finally understand the severity of what he must be feeling. “I understand.”
Clara gently kisses his cheek as Sebastian closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and smiles. “You can’t fill from an empty cup, sweetie,” she whispers in his ear.
“I know,” he says softly before standing upright.
Clara smiles at him a moment longer before looking over at me. And almost instantly, I see the exhaustion hit her like a brick wall. “Can you all take me home?”
“Are you sure you want to go to your apartment by yourself?” I ask her. “You’re more than welcome to come and stay with us.”
“I’ll just have John from next door come over. Or maybe Craig from two floors down. Oooo, or maybe Adam from the apartment above me. He’s the best big spoon. Ahh, fuck it. I’ll text them all, whichever one of them gets there first,” she shrugs and Josephine smiles widely as she walks to Clara and grabs her hand.
“You are literally my idol.”
Clara nods her head in agreement. “As I should be.”
Josephine walks Clara past me, but as she does, she stops to whisper in my ear. “Can you take me home, too?”
I quickly kiss her cheek. “Absolutely.”
47
Josephine
The moment the elevator doors to the penthouse open, I make a beeline for the stairs and up to my new room at the end of the hall. Throwing open the door, I toe off my boots and set them on the shoe rack in the closet, and hang my leather jacket up on a hanger. Once my shirt is in the clothes hamper, I pull my hair from its braid. In nothing but my black cargo pants and bra I take a moment to center myself in the middle of my closet. Closing my eyes, I inhale long and deep breaths, allowing the tightness in my body to relax. And every breath that passes grows easier and easier. Suddenly, I feel a lightness that I only remember experiencing as a child, before my life became something else entirely.
As if this is the first time I haven’t felt the weight of everyone else’s decisions, of other people’s mistakes, of my desire to find better, pressing down on my shoulders.
Here, in the middle of my closet, on a random Wednesday night, I feel free.
I feel unburdened.
I feel… peace.
But as amazing as it feels, it would feel even better to wash this entire evening off of me. I’m desperate to crawl into bed, get some sleep, and put this entire ordeal in the past.
Now, all I want is the future.
