Page 38 of Lies in Promises
Bennett is right. There is a chance Marisela could be dead already, and the same fate could be waiting for me. If I leave,I may never see my children again, and they will have to go through life without their parents, like I did. They would have to go through the same emotions I experienced.
That should be reason enough to stay.
But I can’t give up on Marisela.
Like our kids, she means the fucking world to me, and I can’t just sit in this massive house, in a different country, hoping she will pop up one day. I need to find her. Dead or alive, I need to go look for my wife.
So, when the night takes over the sky, less than twelve hours after arriving in Chicago, I’m placing kisses on my kids’ temples, telling them goodbye.
If only I could tell them how long the goodbye is for, but I don’t even know the answer.
The baby was first, then Grayson, then Samantha, and I left Elliot for last.
He’s the one with a better understanding of what is going on, and even though I put them to bed hours ago, I know he is still awake when I walk into the bedroom Henry set up for him—the room that used to be mine.
My chest constricts when I slowly open the bedroom door. I don’t know if it’s because I am walking into the room where I mourned my parents, or if it’s because I see a version of my brother in my son as he sits on the bed, his eyes begging me to take him with me.
I try to push the feeling down, but I fail with each passing second.
“You’re supposed to be asleep, bud,” I say, walking into the room.
“I want to go with you,” Elliot says, his voice just above a whisper.
He looks so small, so damn fragile. It breaks my heart to see him like this.
I walk over to the bed and sit on the edge, looking down at my son.
A sigh escapes me. “I know you do, but I can’t take you. I have to go by myself, okay?”
Tears trickle down his face. “But I can help you look for her.”
My heart breaks even more. He knows his mother is missing, that I’m going to go look for her, and I fucking hate it.
“I know you can, but you staying is going to help me even more.” I wrap my arms around him, speaking into his dark hair. “I need to help your Uncle Bennett and Henry watch your brothers and sister. They need you here. Your mom would want you to stay here, where you’re safe.”
Elliot sniffles against my chest. “When you come back, can we go back home?”
My own tears escape my eyes, and I hold him tighter. “Yeah, Bub. When I come back, we will go back home. I promise you. I will make sure of it.”
What if I’m not able to keep that promise?I can’t even think of an answer.
I hold Elliot for a good ten minutes. The whole time, his tears seep through my shirt, but I don’t care. I’m going to hold my boy as long as we both need to.
It’s when I feel his body relax that I see he has fallen asleep. I lay him down on the bed, tucking him in and placing a kiss against his temple, just like I did with his siblings.
Before I walk out of the room, I look back at Elliot and pray I’m able to keep my promise.
This is not a promise I can or want to walk back on. I will do everything in my power to make sure it becomes a reality.
I owe it to my kids, to my wife.
A tear slides down my face as I walk out of the room.
When I make it downstairs, Bennett and Henry are waiting for me in the foyer with the small duffel bag I was able to grab.I don’t waste a single second unzipping and taking out the legal envelope I stashed there.
There was panic running through me when I left my father-in-law’s house. I didn’t know what I was going to do other than fly to Chicago and make sure my kids were safe. I hadn’t yet decided if I was going to come back to Mexico to look for Marisela or if I was going to let someone else handle it. Either way, I grab all the important documents pertaining to the kids and put them in this envelope.
I hand it to Henry.
