Page 47 of Hitting the Goal Line
My feelings for Blake are something that I’ve been trying to push down for years. Every so often, I try to convince myself that it’s just a crush and that I only feel like it’s more because of everything that has happened between us. I told myself that when he was dating Gwen. I told myself that when he dated other girls. Hell, I told myself that when I realized that me and Theo probably aren’t going anywhere.
At eighteen, I realized that I was in love with him, but to this day, he still doesn’t know because I’m too scared of what could come of it if I say those three little words out loud. That love is still very much there, no matter how much I try to push it down, no matter how much I try to build a relationship with someoneelse. I’m in love with Blake Jacobi, and there is a chance that I will always be.
I need to figure out a way to rein in those emotions, because in the end, if I never tell him, I’m going to get hurt and the only one to blame is going to be me.
A text message from my roommate, Claire, pops up on my screen, telling me that they are at the bar and that Theo is there.
Great. My boyfriend is at the bar waiting for me, and here I am spending my time thinking about someone else.
I should use that piece if information to do what I’ve been wanting to do for some time. Break up with Theo.
There’s a chance he’s going to end up hurt, but I would rather hurt him by breaking up with him than continue hurting him because I’m emotionally cheating on him by thinking about Blake.
I get dressed with no second thought at what I’m wearing and head down to the bar.
Lucky’s is absolutely packedby the time that I get there.
As someone that doesn’t come to the bar very often, since I’m a few months shy of my twenty-first birthday, it becomes overwhelming very quickly. But I power through it and try to find my friends.
Claire had texted me earlier to tell me that they had a table, since they had gotten here early, so I send her a text back telling her that I’m here, hoping that she will direct me on where to go.
A minute after sending the text, Claire pops up next to me, with a big smile on her face. “You made it!” she yells out, wrapping me in a bug hug.
“I told you I would,” I say, letting out a little laugh at her excitement.
“I know, but this isn’t your scene. C’mon, let’s get you a something to drink.” She grabs my hand and drags me deeper into the bar until we arrive at a table filled with our friends.
For a good hour, I have a good time. The whole table is filled with drinks and laughs and it makes me so happy that I decided to come out tonight. I haven’t hung out with my friends like this in a while and I really needed it.
After a few drinks, I realize that I haven’t seen Theo. Claire had told me that he was here and he told me himself that he was coming, but I have yet to lay eyes on him.
“Hey,” I call out to Dana, my other roommate. “Have you seen Theo?”
She looks over my shoulder as if to look for him, but she shakes her head. “Not since before you got here.”
I give her a nod. I hope he’s still here, because I don’t know if I will brave enough to have the conversation that I need to have with him if I leave the bar.
“I’m going to go look for him,” I yell toward her, so she can hear me through all the music and the people talking.
She gives me a nod and tuns back to talk to our friends.
My body sways a little bit as I get up and start walking around. Claire and Dana sneaked me a drink or two, so I’m not drunk, but I’m definitely tipsy. Exactly how I want to be to have this conversation with Theo, if I find him.
As I walk around the bar, I notice a group of his friends in the back corner by where the band is setting up. I look at all of their faces, but still don’t see Theo, so I decide to approach the table in hopes that they know where he is.
“Hey, guys,” I say to the table, waving at each of them.
I’ve hung out with these guys more times that I can count, and they have always been sweet to me. They have also acted like older brothers a time or two, so you would think that approaching them is a good idea. But by the look on their faces, it isn’t.
Each and every person sitting at the table in front me looks absolutely terrified to see me.
Okay then.
“Have you guys seen Theo? He said that he would be here,” I ask, giving them a smile, hoping that they will stop looking at me like I’m wielding a knife and about to attack them.
Not a single one of them answers, they just look at each other and then look back at me, like they don’t know what to say.
They always have something to say. They’re frat boys, something stupid is always coming out of their mouths.
