Page 65 of Passing the Red Line
I slowly turn it over and let out a somewhat sigh of relief when I see it’s my dad calling and not a disgruntled ex-boyfriend. But my dad isn’t all that better.
Our relationship has been better-ish ever since I signed on to work for the Knights. We’ve talked more these last few months, been less angry with each other, but things still aren’t perfect. There are things that the both of us definitely need to work on. We’re trying, so that’s something.
We may have talked these past months, but conversations were still far in between. The last time I talked to him was almost a month ago when I called to see if I could stay at his house while I got situated. He had told me yes, but I was still going to look at my options. His house was going to be my last resort, but I still wanted to secure it.
There hasn’t been any type of conversation since then, so I’m guessing he’s calling to see if I’m still thinking about staying with him.
As much as I don’t want to answer, not knowing how the conversation is going to go, I do. He’s my dad and I’m trying to be a better daughter.
“Hey dad,” I say, answering the call at the last possible second.
“Hey honey. How are you? I haven’t heard from you in a while,” he says from the other side.
I smile at the sound of his voice. As a kid, hearing his voice was my favorite thing in the world, because it meant that he was either home or called because he was thinking about me or mom.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. These last few weeks have been a little crazy. The Quakes didn’t have another photographer lined up so I had to help them look for one and that was a bit of a headache. But I’m good. Just getting ready for my first day at my new job. How are you? Are you ready for the season?”
“Better than I will ever be. I’ve never come into a season with a championship on my back, so I don’t know if I should keep everything the same, coaching wise or if I should change things up to see if we better our chances of winning another cup,” he says and I can picture him in his office pacing back and forth just contemplating this very question.
“Sounds reasonable. I would try to possibly change a few things and see how the team responds, and if anything go back to the old ways.” I offer.
“You think so?” he asks, most likely thinking of ways he can make my opinion come to life.
I nod even if I’m in the room alone. “Yeah. You have a solid team. One that I’m sure is just as hungry to win another championship as you are. There isn’t much change you can do, but it’s worth a try.”
My dad is silent for a minute, probably thinking everything through. As he contemplates, I put him on speaker and start to pick things out again that can go in the donation pile.
Eventually, he speaks. “The Knights are a solid team. It’s worth a try to change a few things. Maybe they will help.” He muses.
“Maybe, you won’t know until you try.” I say, from across the room.
“Thank you, honey,” he says, sounding sincere.
I can’t remember the last time I gave my dad advice and he thanked me for it. It takes me by surprise a little bit.
“You’re welcome, dad.” I answer, actually meaning it.
I’m not going to lie but giving my dad advice, even if it was minimal, and him accepting it, felt nice. I may still hold some hate towards his sport, but it feels nice to step back into that space with him again.
“Listen, there’s a reason for my call,” he says, after another bout of silence.
My stomach churns a little bit at his statement.
Is he going to tell me that I should quit my job with the Knights before I officially start?
“What’s up?” I ask, trying not to let my mind go into panic mode with overthinking.
“I want to apologize to you,” he says, taking me by surprise yet again.
Now I’m the one going silent.
“What exactly do you want to apologize for?” I ask cautiously.
I put the lens I currently have in my hand down in fear of dropping at what he’s about to say next.
“Well, there’s a lot I need and want to apologize for, but the first thing I truly wanted to say I am sorry for, was the way that I acted when your mom died. I should have been there. I should have been there from the very beginning. I should have left the team and gone to be with the two of you. You both needed me, and I was too stuck in my own head to realize it. If I could go back I would. I would be there for you mom and tell her how much she meant to me and I would be there for you when you needed someone to be by your side through all the hard stuff. There are so many things that I would change and I know how badly I messed up and for that I wanted to say that I’m so damn sorry, Eliana. I can never apologize enough to you or to your mother, for not being there and all the heartache that I put both of you through. It might not be today, I really hope that one day, you can forgive me even if it’s only a little bit. I’m so fucking sorry, sweetheart. Please know that.”
Something wet lands against my chest and it takes me a long minute for me to realize that I’m crying.
