Page 103 of Skating the Blue Line
The fact that my due date is in June works out perfectly for her. I just have to hope that our little surprise doesn’t decide to pull a fast on us and come early.
As for the longer part, I will definitely take her up on that.
Liam and I haven’t talked about it yet, but me moving in was only until the baby was born. So when that happens, it would be nice to have my mom there when he’s a few neighborhoods away.
Besides, I don’t know what hockey off-season is like for all I know, he could be gone for weeks.
“You don’t have to come early. It’s okay,” I say, wiping my nose with my sleeve. “But if you want to stay longer, I’m okay with that.”
“Liam wouldn't mind?” She asked.
I told my parents back in December that I was moving in with Liam. Surprisingly they thought that it was a good idea after a FaceTime call with him.
Even though my parents are traditional as hell, or at least I thought that they were, they were completely okay with me living with the man that had gotten me pregnant.
My mom said that it would put her at ease knowing that someone was there looking out for me and taking care of me. My dad agreed.
I just didn’t tell them a small little tidbit about me moving out after the baby is born.
“No, he won’t mind.” I say to her, not mentioning a single thing.
“Okay then we will plan for that.”
My mom and I talk for a few more minutes and as much as I want to say that talking to her helped the whole homesickness thing, I can’t. The second the call ends, I miss her more than when I first called her.
The tears are constant for the few hours. By two o’clock they are no longer tears of being homesick but tears of feeling lonely.
A feeling that I haven’t felt these last few months but all of a sudden is hitting me.
Why?
I see Liam every day.
I see Betty a few times a week, since she has more time now that she officially hung up her pointe shoes after the last winter show.
So I interact with people. I talk to them and spend time with them and I shouldn’t feel like I don’t have anyone in my corner, but I do.
I have people. People that care about me, that love me, that want what’s best for me and that will do anything to help.
But once the baby is here, that might change. I’ll have Betty and my family, but maybe not Liam.
After I leave the hospital, he doesn’t have to worry about me. I will move out, go back to my apartment, and only see Liam where the baby is concerned.
I think that’s making me feel this way.
I’m gaining a kid but I’m losing someone in return.
Someone that has been a pivotal part of my life for the last six months. Someone who has seen me at my worst and best and was even there for me through tears of ripped pants.
Liam became my anchor through it all, one of the most important people in my life, and in five weeks that will disappear.
I didn’t want to get attached but I did.
Wiping at the tears that have escaped my eyes, I start folding the baby clothes that I had washed before calling my mom.
We had a small baby shower last weekend with Betty, a few of our dancer friends and a few of Liam’s teammates and his parents. We got a lot of baby clothes, tutus, hockey jerseys, but most importantly, diapers.
Which we will have for years since Christian and Blake decided that two pallets of diapers and wipes would be the best gift in the world.
