Page 44 of Skating the Blue Line
My whole body goes stiff and I can feel my expression contour a little bit. Of course, though, I don’t have enough time for me to recompose myself before Betty notices.
I watch her and it takes her a whole minute for it to all click for her and the second it does she gives me an expression that I probably gave Dr. Long.
Betty’s eyes look like saucers when she finally speaks.
“You’re pregnant?” my best friend asks in a whisper.
Given where we’re at, it’s surprising that I can even hear her.
But I can, so I give her a nod.
Admitting it makes it feel all that more real and I still can’t wrap my head around it. I have no idea how I’m supposed to feel. Not only that, what the hell am I supposed to do?
“And the father is…” Betty voices, her eyes moving over towards Liam where he’s skating on the ice.
The game officially started a little bit ago with the scoreboard telling me that they are in the second period with the Knights in the lead.
I haven’t paid the game a whole lot of attention, what with my body in crisis mode.
I give Betty a nod.
Of course Liam is the father. Of course one night with a professional athlete turned into a possible future of shared holidays and alternating days.
“Holy shit,” she states, her mouth forming an oh.
“Yup.” I say, because what else can I say? I can’t believe it myself.
“I’m guessing you haven’t told him,” she says, her eyes on the game.
I shake my head. “I found out this morning at my regular check up. I wasn’t going to tell him before the game. Hearing “hey, you knocked me up,” while he had skates on would have been bad.”
Even though all I wanted to do was tell him. The second that he asked if I was okay, I wanted to yell it out.
“But you are planning on telling him, right?” Betty turns to look at me, a worried look on her face.
I’ve been asking myself the same questions all day.
When I pictured myself having kids, I always thought that I would be in a committed relationship with someone I’ve known for years. In that scenario we would be excited about the news and jumping up for joy. I would be so excited that I wouldn’t waste any time calling my parents and telling them that they had the title of abuela and abuelo.
In this scenario I would also be in the next phase of my career and no longer dancing.
I pictured this whole thing so differently.
Now here I am at a hockey game, pregnant with the captain's baby, in the middle of my career not knowing what to do.
But one thing for sure, is that even though the scenario is different, even though me and Liam have only spent five days with each other, I’m still going to tell him.
I can control that much.
His reaction to the news is a whole different story. I don’t know him well enough to know how he will take it and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m a little scared to do it. I shouldn’t be, but I am.
“I am. After the game I’m going to tell him and then I’ll decide what to do.”
“Whatever you decide, I will be there for you no matter what.”
Years ago, Betty and I had a similar conversation. Except our roles were reversed. She thought about long and hard because she didn’t want to give up dancing. She and Cole talked about it long and hard and decided that they wanted to keep the pregnancy. I was there for emotional support.
I know that with whatever I decide to do, Betty will be there to support me no matter what. Both physically and emotionally.
