Page 119 of Skating the Blue Line
Until now. To him and to myself.
“I’m going to need you to repeat that,” he orders, his face still looking stunned.
“I realized that I love you.” I say again, this time with a lot more strength behind the words. “I know that I'm always pushing your feelings to the side, but I was doing it because I was scared. I was scared that if something happened between us, I would lose you. These las few months you’ve become my everything. Friend, lover, father of my child. And while you were my everything, you showed me so much. Kindness, care, love. I kept telling myself that you were only interested in me because of the baby but even that was getting harder to believe. I’m sorry I pushed your filings to the side. I’m sorry that my thoughts sometimes got the best of me. I don’t want to keep pushing you away. I don’t want to move out either. I want to stay with you wherever you live and raise our daughter together. I don’t want to figure out holiday arrangements and who gets what weekend. I want us to go to your hockey games and take Emma to her dance recitals and go visit her grandparents in Missouri and Texas. I just want to do this with you, Liam. I want to do this with you and only you. And now I’m a blubbering mess.”
I don’t know when my tears went from silent to full on sobs. I swear, there is something about this man that makes my emotions and feelings go haywire.
He did it the first night we met, and he continues to do it now.
Liam shifts, coming to sit right next to me and taking me in his arms, consoling me.
“I want to do this with you and only you too.” he says, into my hair.
“You do?”
“I do, want to know why?” I nod my head against his shoulder. “Because I love you too, sweetheart. I have for a while. You just wouldn’t hear it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, you’re hearing it now and that is all that matters.”
“Yeah.” I say to him.
We stay in that position until a nurse comes in to check in on me.
According to her, we have a long way to go so we should get comfortable.
So we do.
For the next five hours, I try to do everything to stay comfortable. I decided to go drug free
for the birth and by the time the nurse tells me that I’m about nine
centimeters dilated, I regretted that decision.
And when I was told that it was time to have this baby, I regretted it even more.
The baby was going to be here very soon and I was going to feel every single second of it.
My mom and Liam end up staying in the room with me, while my dad went out to the waiting room to be with Liam’s parents.
Once the doctor gives the go ahead, everything starts happening so fast.
My mom and Liam each stand at one of my sides, all the while nurses surround them waiting for something to happen for them to jump right in.
“Okay, Chloe. I’m going to have your mom and Liam hold your legs and when I say push, you push as hard as you can okay?” Dr. Long instructs and all I can do is nod.
“You got this, baby. Me and your mom will be here the whole time.” Liam tells me, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
“Alright, Chloe. When I say push, you push until I say stop. Got it?”
I give her another nod, not able to find my voice.
“Okay, on three. Push, Chloe. Push.”
I do as I’m ordered and push with all that I have. I push until my insides feel like they are getting ripped apart. I push and I push and when Dr. Long finally says stop, I feel like I ran a damn marathon while burning alive.
“You are doing so good, Chlo.” Liam says, brushing my hair back.
