Page 102 of Skating the Blue Line
Silently paying for all my doctor visits and blood work. I found out about this one because I called my insurance one day after being told that I didn’t have a copay when I did. They told me that they haven’t received a single thing from my doctor. So I asked Shawna, she told me.
He was doing so much already, I didn’t want to add another thousand dollar bill to it.
I should have pushed pride aside and let him do what he wanted because now it’s hitting me so hard that I’m sobbing looking at my mom’s contact on my phone.
Thank god Liam isn’t home.
Him seeing this meltdown would scar me. He’s already seen one meltdown, he doesn’t need to see another.
I do my best to push down my tears and press on my mom’s name on the screen.
Maybe talking to her for a little bit will help me stop being such a mess.
“Hola, mi niña.” My mom’s voice sounds through, filling my ears.
The second I hear her voice, a sob escapes me.
So much for not being a mess. These hormones are kicking my ads and not taking any prisoners. I hate them so much.
“Hi, mami,” I say, hiccuping through my sobs.
“Chloe, what’s wrong?” instantly my mom’s voice is filled with worry.
I would be worried too if my pregnant daughter called me sobbing.
“Nada, I just miss you.” I say, sniffling and wiping away my tears.
“I miss you too, honey,” she says, and even by hearing her voice I know that she is smiling. “You know that we’ll see each other soon.”
“I know, but I still wish you were close by.” I say through another sniffle.
“Me too, mija, me too,” she says through a sigh.
Being pregnant and living in a different state is not only hard for me, but also hard for my mom.
She has always been a nurturing person, so me being pregnant and her not being able to be there by my side the whole time, hurts her.
Growing up, she always told me that she had wished that her mom had been alive during her pregnancies. That way she would have someone there to guide that wasn’t my dad or a doctor.
That’s how I feel. I have Liam and Betty, but I really wish I could have my mom here too. I can text her and call her every single day, but it’s not the same.
I would love to get a hug from her right now and eat some of her flautas. I’ve been craving my mom’s food so much these last two weeks. I’m so tempted to ignore my doctor’s orders and get on a plane just to have her coffee and maybe tacos de papa.
or maybe if desperation gets to the level, it was a few weeks ago, I can try to convince Liam to take a road trip down to Texas with me.
He would spend countless hours in the car with me and drive across the country to satisfy my cravings, right?
Not with them finishing up the season and possibly going to the playoffs.
“Maybe I can move things around and I can head to Chicago sooner or maybe even stay for longer.” My mom suggests taking me out of my thoughts.
A small smile forms on my lips.
We already talked about this in February, and we have decided, Liam included, that my mom would come stay with us for a little bit leading up to the birth and after.
That way she didn’t miss anything, I had my mom in the room while my insides were getting ripped open, and Liam and I had help figuring things out afterwards.
I would love to have my mom come here sooner, but she’s a school counselor and her school year isn't over yet. So, her coming sooner means that her kids won’t have her if they need anything.
