Page 98 of Girls Will Be Girls
“Don’t ice me out,” I say. “Tell me.”
He studies me for a moment, then lets out a long sigh. “I saw you with Otto today.”
“Okay.” I draw out, confused.
“You guys looked pretty cozy.” Hurt flashes across his eyes.
I rear back from him, letting go of his hand. “Excuse me?”
He sighs. “It looked like maybe there was-” He stutters. “Like maybe you guys were-” He stops again before dropping his head on an exhale. “Don’t make me say it.”
“Like there was something going on between us?” I ask, unable to hide the disgust in my voice.
He looks back up at me with genuine pain in his eyes.
“Lou.” I shake my head. “What the hell?”
He sighs, running his hand through his hair. “Guess now’s as good a time as any.” He takes a sip, places his beer down on the bar, and lets out a loaded exhale. “About three years ago, Otto slept with my girlfriend.”
“Holy shit.” I blurt.
“We’d been dating for two years.” He pauses. “Six months of that, he was sleeping with her behind my back.”
I reach over and interlace my fingers with his.
He looks up at me, his eyes filled with sadness. “Once I found out, I ended it. Then, a week later, she comes back, telling me he dumped her. He told her he was bored of her.” He laughs bitterly. “She said she’d realized her mistake.”
“Please tell me you didn’t take her back?” I say.
“I did not.” He smiles sadly.
“So wait.” I pull my hand back, his fingers lingering on mine like he doesn’t want me to let go. “Did you actually think I would do that?”
“I-” His mouth gapes, but no more words come out.
I adjust my hat so he can see me better. “There is no way in hell there would ever be anything going on with me andOtto,” I say his name like it tastes sour in my mouth. “Or anyone else, for that matter.”
“Louisa.” He says my name like a prayer.
“You can’t ice me out like that, Lou,” I say. “You did it before when I first told you about Otto. You ignored me for days, and now you were gonna just ignore me again? Not tell me why you were angry at me unless I push you for an answer?” I shake my head. “You can’t do that to me, Lou.”
“You’re right.”
I continue, like the tap has been broken and it’s all flowing out now. “You say you like me, want to date me, be with me, but how can we be together if you’re just going to ice me out when anything happens, and I don’t even know that it’s happened?”
“Louisa.”
I keep going, letting my anger run free. “I overthink what everyone thinks about me at all times, I can’t be worrying that you’re just going to start ignoring me one day, wondering what I’ve done wrong, worried it’s my fault.”
He steps toward me, placing his hands on my arms. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
I stare him down. “You keep telling me to ask for what I want. Well, what I want is for you to never do that to me again.”
“I won’t. I swear.” His gaze drills into me. “I’m so sorry.”
I let out a shaky exhale. “Why do you do it?”
“I don’t know.” He shakes his head, and he really seems to mean it. “I’ve never had someone to talk things through with, to deal with shit with. I’m used to just getting in my head and ignoring everything else.” He says, taking my hand in his tentatively, like I might pull away. “I never had someone call me out for being a selfish prick before.”
