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The three things I’m most grateful for at this exact moment.

Breathe.

I’m fine.

The mother, I assume, runs over and grabs the now quiet terror.

“I am so, so sorry.” They say.

“It’s-”

But before I can finish my sentence, I hear a quiet, stifled laugh right behind me.

I turn to find Lou laughing into his hand as if he’s freaking Ryan Gosling during the best plot twist in cinematic history. But this real-life imitation is in no way endearing.

I look at him as if to say,“Really?”

“I’m-” He starts trying to compose himself. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

But he just keeps stifling his laughs, and with every chuckle, I can feel the slight interest I had in Lou sparking, catching fire, and burning in a rageful inferno.

“Funny, is it?” I ask, the anger he wanted from me finally very present.

“No, it’s just-” He says, still with a grin on his face.

“You find me being puked on funny?”

“No, I-”

I cut him off. “How about if I told you about the rat that fell on me earlier today? Is that justhilariousto you?”

He bites his cheek so hard I swear it’ll bleed. “That actually happened?”

“Funny?” I screech, now seething at this guy.

I can’t believe I ever considered popping my meet-cute cherry with him.

He shakes his head. “No.” A wide grin still on his face.

“You’re unbelievable.” I huff at him, before storming off, leaving a trail of god knows what in my wake.

The fire is still burning, and it’s replaced every single other emotion.

I want to spend the entire flight daydreaming about ripping his stupid fucking grin right off his stupid fucking face.

2

OY WITH THE POODLES, ALREADY

Dylan:

Did you get to the airport okay?

Frida:

You packed my blue dress again, didn’t you?

No amount of hand sanitizer,sink scrubbing, or hand dryer limbo is going to make me feel clean or dry right now.