Page 143 of Girls Will Be Girls
“We need a plan,” Dylan adds
“Yes, a plan.” I nod. “Okay.” I hand my empty glass to Lou. “Can you hold that, please?”
Then, just as any level-headed person would do, I very coolly sprint out of the room and down the hall. In my panicked state, I can’t seem to figure out exactly where the toilets are, so when the first door I pull open is a broom closet, I decide that’ll have to do.
I shut the door and lean against the wall with my face in my hands.
They’re just clouds. I can make it all float away.
Breathe.
I’m in control. I’m choosing not to panic.
Breathe.
But my panic doesn’t subside, it only grows as the small clouds of anxiety turn into an all-out storm.
My mind is just a raging hurricane, and I can’t think of anything I’m grateful for in this moment. The panic has swallowed all other thoughts whole.
Having Lou’s family and all of these random people think we’re engaged is bad enough, but my parents.
My parents.
My parents think we’re engaged. They think I didn't tell them about the man I must have been seeing for some time. The man I’m engaged to.
The guilt feels too overpowering. How do I explain to them that even though our relationship sucks and they don’t know a lot about my life, I would never hide something like that from them?
All these lies are becoming too much. I feel like I’m suffocating.
Shit, shit,shit!
“Louisa,”Frida whispers as she cracks the door open. “Are you hiding in here?”
I pull her in and shut the door behind her as fast as I can. I must really be losing it as I start stacking packs of toilet rolls in front of the door like that’ll help keep the lies at bay.
“You look well.” She deadpans, eyeing me up and down like the crazy person I clearly am.
“What do I do?” I plead with her.
Before she can answer, the toilet rolls topple down as the door swings open again. Dylan shuffles in, closing the door behind her.
“Thisis your great plan?” She whisper yells. “Do you have a head injury or something?”
I eye the rusty mop bucket on the top shelf, willing it to provide me an out of this situation.Knock me out, rusty angel.
“Maybe I can just leave?” I say. “Ditch the heels, run until I reach a border. North or South, I don’t care. We’re probably closer to the North one here. It’s fine. I can learn to like hockey.” I ramble.
“Why don’t you just come clean?” Frida offers.
“I can’t.” I shake my head frantically. “I’m in too deep! And what about Lou?”
The door opens again. “You couldn’t have chosen a bigger broom closet, Louisa?” Elijah walks in.
I push the hair off my face. “I feel under the circumstances, this was a good choice.”
Lou walks in right behind him, shutting the door and leaning against it. No matter the complete fear coursing through me, seeing him makes me feel calmer. Seeing him makes me think we can fix this.
Lou grins at me. “Hey, baby girl.”
