Page 52 of Choosing Jenny
He laughed. “Saw right through that, huh?”
“Completely.”
His own smile faded, and the worry finally cracked through. He hadn’t let it show before, not when he was trying to reassure Sarah, and then me. But now it was there, plain on his face. He was a good man.
“Can’t blame me for trying,” he said, clearly trying to keep things light.
“I don’t,” I replied, but did address another issue still bothering me. “However, Idoblame you for making Rhonda stay onCheesecake, though.”
He sighed and rubbed a hand along his jaw. “If it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t an easy decision.”
“How do you mean?”
He hesitated before answering, as if weighing how much to share. “I don’t like giving into Deacon’s paranoia. I’m not saying he was wrong about his request for Sarah’s safety, but I’m still going to back him.”
“You two seemed to be on the same page about that.”
“And, publicly, we always will.” Again, he paused, his eyes meeting and holding mine. “But I think I can trust you about these things. Can’t I?”
“Of course.” More curiously, I asked, “How is it that you and Sarah came to be with Deacon? He’s so stiff and uptight compared to you two.”
“He didn’t used to be,” Jac said, leaning back in his chair. “Don’t get me wrong—he’s always been a proper classed guy, but after Valor was beheaded…he changed because, well,everythingchanged.”
“In what way?”
“When it comes tohimself, Deacon is brave and strong and fearless. He’s a skilled fighter. He’s fought at my side more than once and he’s not afraid to get his hands dirty. He doesn’tlikeit, mind you. But he will do what’s needed. But, when Valor’s affair with Silence came to light, he was deeply hurt and betrayed by it. Not just because he had loved her, but because his own father had been the one to do it.”
I couldn’t argue with that. “Yeah, that’s super fucked up.”
“For classed men, you are raised to practically worship and revere your father above all others,” Jac went on. “You obey him to your last breath. And in return, your father does everything he can to guarantee your future. Career, unions, friends, anything you need, he is supposed to provide. Until the affair was exposed, Valor Ladrang was known as one of the most well-respected Ladrians ever. The Ladrangs have a reputation thousands of years long of being the most honorable people. But Valor fell in love…”
“Still,” I said, interrupting him. “That’s super fucked up.”
He laughed at my direct words. “It is. I amunclassed. I was not raised the way Deacon was, in regard to those things. But Valor had taken me in and raised me up as high as he couldraise an unclassed boy. I love that man, flaws and all. But I was enraged when it came out, because I knew how much Deacon worshipped his father.” Seemingly caught up in the memory, he let out a hiss of angry steam. “On the day Valor lost his head, Deacon’s entire family—over one hundred of them—publicly turned their backs just before the execution. All of them but Deacon, because loyalty is everything to classed Ladrians.”
I frowned at him. “If loyalty is everything, why did his family turn their backs on him?”
“Justice made a deal with Deacon’s mother,” Jac said, his tone bitter. “If they turned their backs on Valor in front of the world before he died, they would get to keep their money, titles, properties, all of it. Otherwise, their livelihoods would have been taken by the state.”
“I can understand why they would do it then,” I said, knowing that Valor would most likely want that for his family, too. “And Justice wasn’t put off by Deacon not doing it?”
Jac shrugged. “He chalked it up to him being a loyal son and let it drop.”
“Strangely generous for him,” I muttered.
“He is prone to flights of whimsy.”
I nodded, thinking back on when he could have killed me at Illiapol, but let me win because itamusedhim. “And that was when Deacon changed?”
“Yes. Now, he will do anything to keep me and Sarah and our future child safe. He has nightmares, vivid ones. About something happening to us and not being able to stop it. It’s his greatest fear.”
“Then I would think this revenge war on Justice would be—”
“It’s not about revenge, Jenny,” he said, cutting me off, his tone fierce. “Yes, Deacon wants that, but now the war isn’t only about revenge. I don’t think that’s even a factor for him anymore, to be honest. Now, he’s terrified Justice will come afterus for what we’ve done here on Halla. What we did to Rex. All of it. Sarah being a queen here puts a large target on her back. On allourbacks.”
It all made sense now. The fear in Deacon’s eyes. The determination to raise a riot on an innocent city. His hesitation to include Mal and the others. He would do anything to protect his family, and I understood that.
I decided to grant him some grace. “Maybe he’s not such a rigid asshole after all.”
