Page 106 of Choosing Jenny
“I’m looking forward to it,” she said, then yawned hard and loud.
I almost laughed at the indelicate sound coming from her.
She settled more comfortable against her pillows, smiling up at me. “Before I drift off—seems I don’t get a choice in the matter these days—I wanted to tell you something, Jen.”
“What’s that?”
Her eyes welled as she looked up at me. “I am so proud of you.”
A knot instantly tightened my throat, as I started to tear up, too. “What? Why?”I’m keeping secrets from you. I don’t deserve your pride.
She sighed. “My baby sister, the woman who has always been a flighty, irresponsible, selfish—”
“Get to the good part,” I said with a laugh.
She wiped her eyes free of tears. “You saved hundreds of women today.”
“I wouldn’t say that, not exactly.” I shifted on my feet. “I mean, I did have help—”
“Youdid this, Jen.” She squeezed my hand tighter. “If you hadn’t been the one to go through the horrors of Illiapol, you never would have met Illiamor, and no one would have known there were ghosts to help. I’m not saying what you suffered at Illiapol was right or good—it was a damned nightmare. But if anyone else had done it, anyone who was not a conduit, then no one would have be able to save the ghosts and they deserve peace. You took a horror and turned it into freedom for hundreds.”
I couldn’t hold back the soft sob that escaped me. “But I didn’t save them, Sarah. They’re already dead.”
“I’ve come to see death as something else these days,” she said thoughtfully. “Not as an end. Just another existence. My city is populated by the dead, for the most part. It sounds strange to say it, but they have lives here. They go to work, have friends and families, pay their taxes, build things…it’s not life like we know it on Earth, but even when I call to Mom, she’s usually in the middle of doing something on the other side. I’m not scared of death anymore. I’m the Queen of the dead,” she said with a watery laugh. “Here on Halla, death is only a new beginning.And you gave the Illiapol ghosts their new beginning. Here, they will live again.”
When we were kids, spirituality and religion and even going to church had never been a part of our lives. So to hear Sarah talk about it in that manner… “I’m surprised to hear that out of you.”
“I’ve had a lot of time to think lately, since I can’t do much else. My biscuit has made sure of that.” She rubbed her belly and smiled sleepily at it. “Anyway, I feel like my point got lost in all of that. The point is, you have done an incredible thing. You, who used to only think of herself and her next travel adventure,youhave saved these women. I am eternally proud of you and grateful to you for bringing them here. And I am glad you are my sister. I love you so much, Jen.”
Every bit of praise she heaped on me pushed the air out of my lungs. I was buried in her words and my guilt. Teetering on the brink of losing my shit because of what I was holding back. But I managed to smile somehow. “I love you, too, Sarah. I hate to say it, but I should go.”
“Yeah, of course. Been a long day for you. I bet you want to get home.”
I leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be back soon.”
I left her, closing the door behind me. Right outside the infirmary, my knees went weak and I slid down the wall to the floor and sobbed into my hands as quietly as I could. The truth was, I was fucking scared as to what would happen to Elizabeth.
As luck would have it, I was not in the hall alone.
“Is Sarah alright?” Deacon asked as he jogged to me.
I nodded and tried to pretend I wasn’t crying. “Yeah. She’s fine. Sleeping.”
He tipped his head. “Then what is wrong?”
Can’t tell you.“It’s…it’s just a lot. After today with the ghosts then seeing my sister stuck in the infirmary the way she is. Deacon, it’s just hard.”
He helped me to my feet. “It is difficult. But today is a good day, Jenny. You are a hero to all those Illiapol ghosts.”
“I don’t feel like a hero.” And that was the truth. “Walk me out?”
He gave me a smile. “Of course.”
We said our goodbyes to everyone and left for Yesanol. Waving to Illiamor made me think. It was something I didn’t do much before I came to Halla. I just did things, consequences be damned. Which was how I ended up staying on Halla in the first place. I wanted Tiger, so I snuck aboard his ship. No grand plan. No second thoughts.
If I hadn’t done that, Elizabeth would not have been dragged to Orhon to use as leverage. But also, I would not have been able to save the Illiapol ghosts.
On the flight to Yesanol, a confused mix of guilt and pride threatened to squeeze more tears out of me. Even though I knew it was the responsible thing not to tell Sarah everything, I still felt terrible for it. But she had more than enough on her plate—she didn’t need this, too.
