Page 39 of Mail-Order Bride Secret
She mulled over her thoughts and questions on the way back to the ranch. Maybe it was possible to trust God in the aftermath of such events.
But that decision ran square into the face of another problem.
God would expect her to be honest. And that simply wasn’t possible. She would not risk her future and that of Jonathan and the twins by telling Wally the truth.
God, I’m sorry. I can’t do what You would want me to.
Aware that she was distracted,Wally watched Maddie from the corner of his eyes as they journeyed home. She hadn’t responded when Olivia invited them to visit. It appeared the words hadn’t even registered with her. He’d answered, saying they’d love to. Sitting on the wagon seat, heading out of town, she’d looked neither to the right nor the left even when a couple on the street waved. Nor when Otis yelled about a dog he saw. He sensed she held Jonathan out of habit. After reviewing the events of the morning, he recalled nothing that would upset her or trouble her so was left to assume Pastor Ingram’s words had spoken to her. If he thought she’d tell him, he would come right out and ask but she was deep in thought. And knowing that sometimes—often—a person must sort things out in their head, he kept his questions to himself.
God, I’m aware she carries pain inside. I understand that losing a husband could do that. How she must have struggled on her own. Having a baby without anyone to help her and then working to support him. It must have been so difficult. Heal those wounds. Please help her trust your love.
Her silence persisted throughout the journey home. Longing rose up in his heart, pounding on doors of his past bringing stinging memory of occasions when he’d been shut out. Times his questions had been punished. When hope had been dashed. Promises broken. Trust shattered. He forced a deepbreath into his lungs and held it there until his chest relaxed. Personal experience had taught him that wounds did heal. However, they left a scar that sometimes drew tight and brought a reminder to his thoughts. He pulled in another slow breath, letting it sink deep into his lungs and send a healing flow of life-warmth to his scars.
They arrived home. He drew to a stop at the house.
Riley called out to him. “Olivia says bring your hot dish over to our house and we’ll eat together.”
Wally turned to Maddie. “Is that all right with you?”
She blinked, looked toward Riley then back to Wally. Had she even heard the question? She blinked again. “Yes, of course.”
“I’ll be back once I’ve taken care of the horses.”
He unhitched at the barn, fed and watered the animals then trotted back to the house, anxious to see if Maddie was ready.
Or was she still lost in thought? Unavailable for conversation. Unavailable for shared glances and fleeting smiles?
10
Maddie wrapped the hot dish in a towel and placed it in a basket to carry it across the yard. Going to Riley and Olivia’s would provide a welcome distraction from her mental wrangling. As they’d journeyed home, she’d been unable to stop thinking about the sermon and her decision. No doubt Wally wondered at her silence. Going to visit next door would make it easier to make conversation.
When Wally opened the door, she was ready, the basket in hand, the children in sweaters, the twins bouncing from foot to foot in eagerness, and a smile on her face. It was forced until he met her eyes and grinned. There was something about this man and his gentleness, his patience, his sweetness that made it possible for her to put aside her troubled thoughts.Even though she must be a disappointment to him, the kindness in his eyes always made her feel safe.
Safe? Why had that been the word that popped into her mind? And yet it was true. Her insides calmed as if warm oil had been poured over her turbulent thoughts. She laughed.
His eyebrows rose.
She laughed again. “I’m looking forward to visiting Riley and Olivia.” She’d been there five days and had only been in Andy and Della’s home.
Together, they left the house and walked past Andy’s house. The twins led the way, Jonathan trotting after them.
Ivy hopped from one foot to the other saying a little rhyme, “Hippity hop, hippity hop. Bunny’s on his way to shop.”
The little ditty brought back memories of hopping in the backyard of her home back in Philadelphia. A home that was no longer hers. “I used to do that.” Would he hear the slight catch in her throat?
“You aren’t too old to do it still.” He looked at her, his eyes narrowed, his challenge as clear as if he held a sign. “Are you?”
“Take this.” She handed him the basket. “And watch.” She hopped from foot to foot, sing-songing the words.
The children stopped to look at her. Enjoying the sense of play, they laughed. The twins joined her inhopping. Jonathan tried and landed on his bottom. He scrambled to his feet and tried again.
She met Wally’s eyes. Her feet stalled. Her mind took off, lifting, flying. It might be her imagination or wishful thinking, but his eyes brimmed with approval and affection. Her heart hammered a hippity-hop of its own against her ribs.
“Your turn.” She took the hot dish from him. Widened her eyes in blatant challenge.
He stepped back. “Don’t you think I’m a little old for that? I’ll leave it to you young folk.”
She closed the distance between them. “I don’t think you’re old. So that’s no excuse.” Once in a letter he’d mentioned the difference in their ages. She repeated what she’d written to him. “I’ve lived enough lifetimes to be twice your age.”
