Page 65 of Montana Bride By Christmas
Grandfather bolted from his chair, grabbed his canes, and thumped over to Annie’s side. “I’ve no reason to object to you marrying Hugh. He’s a fine man. But you both need to be honest about what you need from a marriage.”
“I think we are pretty clear about it.”
“You aren’t being honest with yourselves.” He thumped back to his chair.
Sadie studied her with knowing eyes. “What aren’t you being honest about?”
Annie shook her head. “I have no idea what he means.”
Grandfather harrumphed. “She’s probably telling the truth. More’s the pity. I never thought I’d see the day a Marshall couldn’t see what was as plain as the nose on their face.”
Sadie chuckled. “So that’s the way it is.”
Annie’s cheeks burned, and she turned away, preparing tea and cookies. She was pleased when Evan sat at the table with them. And grateful that the topic of her marrying Hugh had been dropped though Sadie wore a funny little grin when she looked at Grandfather.
Hugh satwith his head in the palms of his hands. He had a sermon to prepare but his thoughts wandered willfully. Annie wanted to go out. He could hardly forbid it. Was she already feeling trapped by the confines of his house, his life...him?
He heard the outside door open and close and assumed she’d left until he heard talking. He strained to hear who it was and recognized Sadie’s voice. Perhaps a visit from Annie’s sister-in-law would make her feel less like running.
Running? Is that what he expected of her? He sat back and stared at the far wall. Annie wasn’t the running type. She was the sticking type. He didn’t want her to be stuck. Wasn’t that what happened to his mother? And it sucked the life right out of her.
No. He did not want that for Annie. He would not like to see her spirit quenched, which left him right back where they’d started. He needed someone older, someone with less zest for life who would be satisfied with what he had to offer...a marriage in name only.
He jerked forward. He had not made that clear to Annie. Was she expecting a real marriage, even if a loveless one?
How was he to clear up that notion?
And he must. At his earliest opportunity.
Just as he must prepare a sermon to deliver in two days and he bent his head over the scriptures seeking guidance as to what he should say. Lord, show me Your truth from Your word. His gaze fell to the passage before him. Ephesians chapter five. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. The words flashed like a beacon. Did he love himself? That seemed selfish, even evil. And yet it was in God’s word.
He closed his Bible. He could not preach a sermon based on this verse because he didn’t believe it.
His heart twisted and turned and he called out to God for forgiveness as he acknowledged his lack of faith. God loved him. He didn’t doubt that. But his mother hadn’t. Nor had his wife. In his mind, had he let that make him think himself unlovable? Except for God. Could he love another human besides his son? That was a good place to start, and he smiled. Thank you, God, for the gift of my son and the love I have for him.
And for Annie.
Those were not his thoughts. Yes, he was grateful for Annie, but he didn’t love her. He would not let himself.
He compelled his mind back to sermon preparation. He knew he had a reputation for delivering the truth in a forceful way, but what truth could he deliver when he couldn’t find it for himself?
Christmas. God sent His Son. He could speak truth from those thoughts having almost lost his son.
By the time Annie knocked to announce supper, he felt he had a sermon he could deliver.
And a truth he must make plain to Annie.
He waited until Evan was in bed and Grandfather had gone to his room then joined Annie in the living room before the fire.
She began to speak before he could. “Poor Sadie. Logan wasn’t able to get home before the storm broke, and she sat through it not knowing if he was safe or not. I almost feel guilty because we had such a pleasant time.”
He knew he should interrupt her and tell her what marriage to him would involve, but she faced him, her eyes alive with joy.
“Mama used to say that counting one’s blessings was the surest way to happiness, and I’ve been thinking of all mine.” She held up her fingers and ticked them off one by one. “My family was kept safe throughout the storm. For my family, of courseand especially sisters-in-law. Now I’m not the only female adult in the family. And all my nieces and nephews. There’s something very special about being an aunt. I can play with the kids and tell them stories and enjoy them without the same worry.”
He wanted to know if she worried about Evan, but he would ask her later after she’d done counting off her blessings.
“For Grandfather’s health. He seems much better today. I suppose it was the stormy weather that had him feeling poorly. Then there’s Evan. He’s such a sweet boy, and to see him becoming more normal every day is such a joy. And Happy. He’s done a lot to help Evan.” She bounced about so she faced him more fully. “I have saved the best for last.”
