Page 73 of Wagon Train Redemption
A shiver trembled through Angela. “Father looked thoughtful, then said that maybe it was time to see if things were different. I didn’t know what he meant.” She’d been so naïve. So foolish. So hopeful.
“I heard Mama and Father discussing it late into the night after they thought I was asleep, and the next morning, Father said I might go with him. Imagine, at ten years of age, I was going to have my first visit to town. I was so excited I couldn’t eat breakfast. Mama packed us lunch as she always did for Father. I climbed to the wagon seat and bounced up and down all the way.”
The first hint that things might not be as she dreamed came when… “I was disappointed when Father turned aside as we approached town, and we proceeded down a silent back alley. Why couldn’t we go see the stores and watch the people, I asked. Father shook his head and said maybe we would if things went well.”
Boss pressed hard to her leg as she curled her fingers tighter in his fur. If she was hurting him, he didn’t protest.
Although her mouth was dry, she forced herself to continue. “Father pulled in at the back of a building that I learned was the store and began to unload the goods. I begged to go inside so I could see what it was like. He allowed me tofollow him, and I looked around the big storeroom. Then, seeing all the things displayed in the next room, I ventured in. At first, no one noticed me, and I wandered from display to display. Suddenly, three dour-faced women were in front of me. Their gazes swept up and down me like they were trying to brush away a nasty bug. ‘Who are you?’ one demanded. I gave my name. Angela Lowe. Feeling a little afraid, I added, ‘I’m here with my father.’”
Her breath caught against her teeth, and she had to force the words out. “One of them—I’ll never forget her—she wore her hair pulled back so hard it drew her eyes into slits. Or maybe that’s how she normally looked. Her dress was so tight across the bodice I feared the seams would give way. She sniffed loudly and stepped back, holding out her arms to push the others away. ‘That man is not your father.’ Another sniff. She tipped her head and wrinkled her nose like there was a bad smell. ‘That’s the love child of the fallen woman Obed Lowe married.’ The three of them hustled away.”
Angela couldn’t contain the shudder that started in the pit of her stomach and exploded into her fingers.
Carson hadn’t said anything or shown any reaction.
She continued, needing to tell the whole story. Get it out in the open so there would be no more misunderstanding between them.
“I was stunned. Father wasn’t my father? I was a love child? That should have been a good thing, but the way that woman said it convinced me it wasn’t.” She realized she was rocking and forced herself to stop. “I slipped through the storeroom and back to the wagon. On the way home, I told Father what I’d heard. He sighed. ‘Your mother was right. Things haven’t changed.’
“He explained that he had married Mama when I was a baby. Explained how he’d found her stealing eggs from hishens and fell in love with her. I stared at him. ‘Is that why I’m a love child?’
“His face twisted. He put his arm around me and pulled me close. ‘Angela, you are the child I love. That’s all that matters.’” Her insides were drained, scoured, and sore.
“Except, of course, it wasn’t.” She waited for Carson to say something. Do something.
He pushed to his feet. “I need to think. I’ll take you back to town.”
The return ride was silent.
Had she expected anything else?
Seventeen
Carson’s hands gripped the reins so hard his knuckles popped. He couldn’t deal with all the things flooding his mind at the story she’d told. Back in town, he left her and Boss at the house, returned to the fort, begged for some time off, and rode to his homestead.
Everywhere he went on that quarter section, he remembered her and her laughter and their plans.
Finally, he sat on the spot where they planned to build their house. They’d been so full of hopes for the future.
Why hadn’t she told him about her life before now? It seemed like a very big and important part of who she was. Didn’t she trust him? He could have offered her sympathy, but she hadn’t given him the chance. He snatched handfuls of grass from the ground and threw them into the air. The leaves drifted down peacefully, revealing none of his inner turmoil.
He’d thought being rejected by Mabel was painful. Thought fearing for Angela’s life when the path gave way under her feet had torn his heart. But knowing she had withheld this horrible truth from him was more than he could bear. Why hadn’t she trusted him? What kind of partnershipcould they hope to have if the whole foundation was missing? And wasn’t trust the most basic ingredient to a firm foundation?
His thoughts went round and round in endless circles.
He scuffed through the grass, kicked stones along the creek bank, and tried to sort out the things raging through his mind. Darkness descended. But he remained there, ate pemmican from his saddlebag, and slept in his bedroll.
Dawn tooka long time in reaching the sky. Carson hunched over his knees, staring at the dark water. His anger had cooled to the point he was no longer angry at Angela but rather, at life. Yes, women who had babies out of wedlock were often shunned. But how could people treat the child so cruelly? For a sin that wasn’t their own.
What did God think of it? A verse said God visited the iniquity of a father’s sin to the children and the children’s children, but that couldn’t be the final word on the subject. Not that he held Angie responsible in any way. But he wanted to say something to her to prove his point. What about the woman caught in adultery and Jesus’s words, “Neither do I condemn thee”?
Ah, yes, Lord. You wouldn’t blame Angela or her mother. Help me make her understand.
He spent the better part of the morning praying and rehearsing what he could say to erase the stigma she’d lived under.
Halfway across the grass to the nearest thicket, his pacing drew to a halt. He had a secret he needed to share with her as well.
With the matter settled in his mind, he returned to town and went to the house. Boss greeted him with a welcome woof. Only his mother was in the kitchen.
