Page 44 of Mail-Order Bride Mommy
Gwen perked up. Was he voicing regrets?
“She was a city girl. I wonder how well she would have adapted to ranch life.” He shook his head as if realizing it wouldn’t have been all roses and honey. He directed his gaze to her. “I worried you might also find adjusting to be difficult.”
“That’s why you asked for a month for us to consider our decision.” Her words barely rose above the music of the water flowing by, the melody echoing in her heart. He’d been thinking of her wellbeing.
He nodded. “I didn’t want to make a mistake.”
“Are you still concerned?” The question trembled from her lips. What if he said he was?
The corners of his mouth twitched. His eyes warmed. “I believe you enjoy country living.” Before she could nod agreement, he shifted his attention to Lindy. “Your love for her is evident.”
Her heart which had been blossoming at his confession that she fit into his life shrank like a sun-scorched flower. It was still only about Lindy.
Silence filled her mind. Disappointment stilled her thoughts.
“You must have had beaus. Anyone special.”
“Why thank you.” She grinned widely, pleasure straight from her heart filling her chest.
“For what?”
“For thinking I’ve had beaus.”
“Didn’t you?” He seemed puzzled by her response.
“A few.”
“How many is a few?”
What harm did it do if she allowed herself to think he was the tiniest bit jealous? It helped her let go of the pain she felt at being so easily dismissed by her brother and by suitors that left so easily. As if she was of no importance.
She closed her eyes and pushed those thoughts behind walls. What point was there in regrets?
* * *
Of course,she’d had beaus. Probably dozens of them. Matt realized he’d clamped down on his teeth and forced his jaw to relax. The idea of her having the interest of young men didn’t surprise him as much as knowing that not one of them had persuaded her to stay.
Which was to his advantage. She’d come west to marry him.
He sat up straighter and puffed out his chest.
“I had beaus. Nothing very serious, I suppose. At least, that’s how it seemed.” She stirred the flames with a twig and seemed taken by the task. Then she sighed and stopped. “When I was younger, I found boys immature. Their idea of fun was often mean-spirited. Then as I grew older, they were too serious. Sometimes it seemed they’d forgotten how to laugh.” She gave him a crooked grin. “I guess I didn’t know what I wanted.” She returned to stirring the flames.
He didn’t dare breathe as he thought of how confused she must have been. And yet now she appeared to know exactly what she wanted. A home that couldn’t be snatched from her, she’d said. Marriage would provide that. If they both were still agreeable after a month, he could give her what she wanted. It was nice to think that he alone of her many suitors could provide for her needs.
She continued. “I guess I got used to what I had and was too comfortable. I thought Maurice needed me. Would always need me. I knew my parents would want me to take care of him and I was glad to do so.” She tossed the twig into the flames. “What a shock to realize he didn’t and—as Patricia said—he just didn’t know how to get free of me.”
“Are you sure he felt that way or was that Patricia’s opinion?”
Her gaze turned to meet his. Eyes wide and then narrowing as she considered his words. “He said he wanted me to stay so I suppose Patricia was only speaking her thoughts.”
“You know, I can’t help but think you’re well to be away from her.” He’d thought that before. She sounded like a nasty woman. Such a contrast to Gwen and her happy spirit. “She might have sucked the joy right out of you. And wouldn’t that be a shame?”
Gwen’s smile lit her eyes. “And wouldn’t it have been?”
Their gazes held for several seconds. The air between them shimmered. He tried to dispel her hold over him. It was only the heat waves from the fire. And yet, the heady feeling left him slightly dizzy.
She shifted her skirts, spreading them to dry. “There was a time in the innocence of youth I loved a boy named Kenny Miner. I was seventeen. I turned to him when my mother and father died, hoping for support. I was devastated when he stopped calling. I guess he didn’t see any future with a girl who had lost her parents and her home.” Her brown eyes returned to his, darkness pooling in her irises. “I thought I could count on him to see my sorrow and my need and be there for me.”
