Page 92 of Debts and Desires
Breathe, Em. Breathe.
“Emmy,” I corrected as I gave another quick smile. “I’m here to collect our tips from the show?”
“Right.” She rolled her eyes and moved some, pulling two jars up.Two?“This one’s yours.” She grabbed the little bit of change out of the one, handing it to me. I eyed the other jar in question. “Oh, this is all Ty and Carter’s, and I can’t give it to you because, well, you’re not him.” She shrugged her shoulder. It made sense, I guess. I looked at the two-dollar-and-seventeen-cent tip in my palm. “I guess people didn’t like you tonight.” Her tone was bitter, with mock sympathy. “But they loved Ty and Carter. Everyone does. That’s why they all made sure the tips went to them and not some stranger.”
“I’ve been here before. And they were helpingme.”
“Ew, don’t sound so jealous. They’re great. You’re just…” she eyed me up and down. “Average. You’d think you’d be happy for them.”
“Iam, but it wasmyperformance.”
“It wasn’t just yours.”
Murder is illegal, Emogen.
“Look, I have a lot to get done and patrons to take care of. If Ty lets you perform again after that disaster, maybe you’ll make more. Doubtful, but hey.” Cassie walked away with a flick of her ponytail.
I looked back on stage to see if Carter was there to help me, but he wasn’t. I quickly headed to the back, trying to keep my face in check. As I walked, I made the mistake of looking up a few times. Cassie was right. None of them seemed like they wanted me there. Or maybe it was my imagination. Still, I didn’t want to cry in front of them. I slumped into the chair in front of the vanity. I looked at the girl in front of me, hearing those poisonous words float around.
“Stop with all that noise!”
Not talented enough.
“Emogen, don’t eat that. You need to lose about forty pounds.”
Not skinny enough.
“Isthatwhat you’re going out in? You look like a rodeo clown.”
Not pretty enough.
“Can you do anything right?”
Not good enough.
I looked down at my lap, watching the tears splash my open palms. I hated how other people’s words always affected me. Even when I did my best to ignore it, they weaseled their way in. My family’s voices were the loudest.
“Mom, Emmy’s playing too loud again!”
“Emogen, I told you to drop that nonsense! You’re never going to make it.”
You should quit while you can.
Was she right? She had to be… If a small town didn’t like me, how would millions of people?
The door to the alleyway opened, and I sat up, grabbing the tissues in front of me and dabbing my eyes. To anyone, it probably looked like I was fixing up my makeup. Carter and Tyler were laughing about something as they shut the door behind them. Carter noticed me right away, his smile growing more.
“I’ll catch you out there,” Carter said. Tyler noticed me sitting there then and gave a smirk and a nod before heading out. They were still far enough away that they didn’t know I was upset. The look on Carter’s face was smoldering as he headed toward me. And even being sad, it still gave me goosebumps.
The chemistry between Carter and me was incredible. Every time I was around him, it was like electricity crackled around us.
I watched him approach through the mirror. He smiled at first, but once he was close enough, I could tell when he noticed. He was attentive, knew what I was thinking for the most part. Like right then. It could’ve also been that my face was puffy and red. His protectiveness came out.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. I shook my head. “Em?”
“I didn’t get any tips,” I whispered, hanging my head. Carter knelt and pulled me into him, hugging me tight. “No one liked the show.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it is.” One of the things I appreciated about Carter was his ability to speak unfiltered, how truthful and honest he was. “How do you know you don’t have any tips?”
