Page 82 of Debts and Desires
“Can I call you Leviticus sometimes?”
“If you really want to. I hate it, though.”
“I think it’s cute.”
“Nah.Cuteis what that lamb we were gonna steal was.”
“Youwere going to steal. Don’t drag me into your depravity,Leviticus.” I gave a sleepy giggle. He gave a humorless chuckle.
“You’re lucky you’re in la-la land.Or I’d pull this truck over and show you my depravity,Emogen.But we have a whole extra week added to your hours, so there’ll be plenty of time for that.”
“I like when you say my name,” I admitted, then added another, “Leviticus.”
“You do, huh?”
“Yes. And there’s something else.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t really care about the hours anymore. I want to stay forever.” I paused. “I want to stay because I love you.” There was a silence, but eventually he spoke and I could hear the smile in his voice.
“I love you, too, Buttercup. I think I have for a while.”
But it was all in my head. Carter didn’t love me. I was so desperate to hear him say it that I dreamed it up. As I drifted, lyrics and music formed in my head and I hoped I’d remember it when I woke.
32. SOME SURPRISES ARE BETTER
October 18
Day Fifty-Two
218 Hours to Go
It was a Monday. Normally I went in with Carter to work, but today I wanted to stay back and finish up the song that thankfully stuck around in my brain from that night home from the fair. Ever since, Carter stayed in that happy-go-lucky mood.
I finished strumming, writing the chords down before I forgot them. I made sure to keep everything towards the back, just in case Carter decided to look at my notebook.A Lullaby of Achewas not quite ready for his eyes.
“That was lovely,” a voice came from the side. I gasped, jumping up from my chair, my guitar swaying slightly around my neck. “Sorry, Miss Emmy. Didn’t mean to scare you. I heard you and came to see.” Jed raised a hand in a peaceful gesture. I was alone on the back porch, so I hadn’t heard him pull in the drive. How loud was I singing?
“That’s okay,” I breathed, clutching my chest with my free hand. I cleared my throat, straightening. “Can I help you with something, Jed?” My tone was a little more clipped than I hadmeant for it to be, but that’s what happens when you get scared and your butthole clenches tight.
“I was stopping in to catch Levi and heard you. But I don’t guess he’s here.”
“No. Sorry.”
“I figured.” He let out a sigh. I gave a tight-lipped smile, my wariness still lingering. “You sing and play beautifully.”
“Oh, uh, thanks.” I nodded cautiously, my grip on the guitar tightening as I sat back down.
“I used to play guitar myself, a long, long time ago,” he let out a chuckle as he reminisced. “I guess I just miss the sound of music in my life outside of hymns.” Jed’s eyes held a hint of vulnerability as he spoke. “I’m sorry, you don’t need to hear the ramblin’s of an old man.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind. I actually understand. Music can be quite comforting.” I felt a little more at ease now, less annoyed.
Jed seemed lonely and I felt bad for him. He gestured toward the empty chairs.
“Mind if I sit for a moment? It’s just nice to hear live music again that isn’t in the sanctuary.”
I hesitated, then nodded reluctantly. “Sure.” Jed opened the gate and took a seat across from me.
