Page 5 of Debts and Desires
I was alone.
Desperate to escape, I stumbled forward, collecting my guitar and duffle bag while using the wall for support. My knees almost buckled under the weight of fear and exhaustion, but I managed to reach my car. My trembling hands fumbled with the keys at the trunk, and more so when I put my things in.
I checked around me again. Only a handful of vehicles were here, but I could feel his eyes on me. When I was finally insidemy car, I made sure all the doors were locked and checked my backseat. There was no way someone could get back there anyway with all my stuff, and I felt silly for checking. I looked around the semi-empty parking lot again. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I couldn’t hold them back any longer. It was overwhelming, the fear and vulnerability that had taken hold of me.
I knew I had to talk to Tyler as soon as I could, to share what had happened and see if he had any security cameras or something. Then I’d talk to the police. I doubted I’d get the money replaced, and that made my bottom lip wobble. I had nothing now. Staying the night in the parking lot didn’t sound like a good plan anymore. I needed to find a safer place.
There was an inn I passed on the way here with a big parking lot and trees for cover.
After a few more minutes, I managed to calm myself enough to gather my thoughts. Raindrops began to fall, as if the heavens themselves wept for me. With my phone gone, I felt lost, unsure of which way to go. Despite the lingering sadness, I started my car and began driving, retracing the route to the best of my memory. The raindrops covered my windshield as I wiped away the tears blurring my vision, hoping both would stop falling soon.
It took me about twenty minutes to realize I was lost. The night had grown pitch black the farther I drove, and the thought of pulling over on the side of the road filled me with fear. I couldn’t risk being followed or encountering that man again.
My car decided to side with the universe instead.
“No, no,” I whispered. “Please don’t…”
But it did.
My car slowed, making a groaning noise. I did my best to pull over on the shoulder as far as I could. I gave it a few minutes, hoping for a miraculous recovery, but the engine sputtered. Frustration washed over me, and I let out a groan.
Resigned to my fate, I turned on my hazard lights, the rhythmic blinking a feeble cry for help. The rain intensified, as if the universe were mocking my predicament.
I was in the middle of nowhere with no phone, no money.
“What else do you want from me?!” I yelled.
I jumped when lightning struck nearby, letting out a small sob. I gazed out into the darkness, feeling utterly stranded and alone. But the way the thunder rumbled…
Like a beat.
And with that thought, I did the only thing I knew how.
3. TOOK A LEAP, PAID THE PRICE
August 27
Iidly tapped my pencil against my chin, trying to find yet another word that rhymed with “rain”. I’d been at the mercy of the universe and Mother Nature with nothing else to do. So I figured, why not write a song about it? The only sucky part was that my guitar was in the trunk and I wasn’t risking ruining it. Or getting out at all.
I’d sing some, then write down the lyrics and the chords I thought they were. Rinse and repeat. I’d been stranded for about two hours with no incident. I only knew that because my car still lit up when I turned the key slightly and my overhead light was working. I didn’t know much about cars, but I assumed my problems had nothing to do with the battery. Out of the two cars that passed me, neither stopped to offer help. Which, I guess, was a good thing. Stranger danger and all that. I shivered, remembering the man in the alleyway.
I kept myself thinking about the positives.
It was still raining, but that was okay because it was a steady fall that created wonderful background noise, perfect for concentrating. I didn’t have a phone, but that was okay because it meant no distractions. And being stranded wasn’t bad because Ihad about three-fourths of a song done already. Another hour, and the whole thing would be completed.
The only downside—other than being robbed again and stranded—was that my mind kept drifting back to my best friend. Had she been with me, I doubted I’d be in this mess. Or at leastalonein it.
When I had called Mia days ago in tears after finding my cheating ex, I explained that I was leaving him and going to audition for the Starry Records’ competition. That’s when she urged me to come stay with her for a little.
After gathering what I needed and leaving New York, my first stop was in Washington, D.C. I didn’t have a plan, I was just winging it, but decided to take my time and enjoy myself. I visited the museums and monuments I’d always wanted to see. Then when I was ready, I made my way to Virginia Beach, to my family’s oceanfront house. I figured it would save some money since I didn’t really have an itinerary. Plus, I had been able to relax after swimming all day without having to hear my mother’s scoffs and comments on my weight.
You’d think being a size large at twelve years old was the same as being an elephant. I never really went swimming after that. If I did, I wore a cover of some sort.
My life had always been a delicate line of walking on eggshells and pretending those constant verbal attacks didn’t hurt as much as they did.
Now, at twenty-two and a size sixteen, I stood defiantly against the echoes of her hurtful comments. It took time before I was comfortable in my own skin, but I no longer gave a shit. I embraced my body, flaws and all, with an unapologetic attitude.
Another couple of days had passed before I looked out at the ocean once more, longing to be as free and fearsome as the waves.
