Page 178 of Debts and Desires
“You areeverythin’I want, Emogen. Every. Thing.” He sighed. “Emmy, I lo?—”
“No! Donotsay that. You’ll regret it.”
“Why? Why would I regret tellin’ you how I feel?”
“Because… I don’t feel the same anymore.” The look on his face told me I might as well have shot him. “You’re lusting after me, Carter. That’s not love.”
“Maybe the first couple of months, but not now.” Anger and sadness rippled over him, but he stayed calm.
“No.”
“Then what’re you still doin’ here?” he asked. My mind blanked. Telling him, “debating leaving or not” was definitely not the answer I was going to give. That would fuel him to get me to stay.
“I was saying bye to the animals.”
“But not me?”
“We’ve gone over this. It was only for the night.”
“I don’t believe you for a second.”Damn it.“Tell me why you’re still here. Why didn’t you run?”
Tell him, tell him. Tell him about the baby.
I wondered if he did it intentionally, if he messed with my birth control, to purposely knock me up. I couldn’t find my voice to tell him I was pregnant or answer his question, but insteadasked him, “What did you do with my birth control?” He cocked a brow, confusion now on his face.
“Where’s that comin’ from?”
“Just answer the damn question.”
Carter let out a long sigh before trudging into the kitchen. He went to the animal’s cabinet, pulling out an unopened box of treats. Flipping it over as he walked back, I could see the tape on the bottom. He opened it, pulling out the little pill packs and set them on the couch. Mac stood at attention, sitting as pretty as he could for a treat, but Carter ignored him as he sat the box down, too.
“Y-you, you…” I stammered. “Youweretrying to get me pregnant.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re crazy.”
“Yeah, probably.” I could only stare at him. “If it helps, I regretted it almost immediately.”
“But not enough to fix it?” No answer. “Why?”
“I can’t… there’s a lot you don’t know. A lot I’m too afraid to say right now. But if you give me the chance, I’ll explain it all. Just stay. Talk to me, please.”
“I’m sorry. I just… I can’t. I need to go.” I turned and walked to the door.
“Emmy, please. Wait!” He called behind. I could hear the stomp of his feet getting closer. I turned to face him.
“I can’t, Carter. I have to go. I’m sorry. I?—”
His mouth was on mine again, swallowing the words lost on my tongue. My thoughts silenced and all I knew was Carter. He pulled away, taking my breath with him. He cupped my face, whiskey eyes searching mine. Then he dropped to his knees, holding my hands tight.
“I told you I’d get on my knees and beg. This is me beggin’, Em, please.” I had to look away, just for a moment. “My whole damn life, the world has been tryin’ to drag me down. Every good thing I’ve ever had either gets taken or leaves. I was selfish for once and I took what didn’t belong to me.” His voice sounded pained, his eyes watering.
“Carter…” I felt my own tears prick my eyes.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered, reaching up and wiping my cheeks dry. “I’m sorry that I hurt you and I’ll go the rest of my life beggin’ you. You were the first good thing that’s ever happened to me, and I can’t bear the thought of you not being around anymore. I love you,” he whispered. “Tell me what you want me to say or do to earn your forgiveness, ‘cause I’ll do it. Whatever you want. Just don’t go, Emogen. Please don’t leave me again.” He searched my eyes, wiping another tear away. “I won’t survive a second time.” It hurt. It hurt so damn much to see him like that.
I watched him carefully for several heartbeats, then slowly nodded. I could feel some of the tension leak from his body. He took a deep, steadying breath and let his head fall. He stood, his arms came up to wrap me in a tight embrace.
Then he kissed me. He kissed me like I was air to his lungs, like he needed me to survive. He kissed me with a fire that burned me from the inside out and threatened to consume me entirely. He kissed me with a hunger and desperation that took my breath away. He kissed me like it would be the last kiss we would ever have.
But it wouldn’t be.
