Page 177 of Debts and Desires
The last few hours replayed in my head, regrets swirling. How? How had I let this happen? My hands immediately went to my belly. Rough. Carter had been so rough. I took a deep breath, knowing deep down that the baby was okay. Still, I should’ve told him. He needed to know. Or did he?
Mac hit the door again and I cringed. Quickly, I gathered my clothes and snuck out to the hall. Mac’s tail wagged as I stood there, my mind swarming with thought after thought.
Mia is going to kill me!
Cal’s going to kill Carter.
I shouldn’t have come back.
Even if it was some of the best sex I’d ever had.
So many emotions filled me until a soft nuzzle against my leg brought me back to reality.
“Hi, baby, dog. I’m sorry, Mama—Ihave a lot on my mind.”
My bladder took that moment to scream loudly at me.
After debating on whether to go back into Carter’s room or not, I made my way to the guest room, my old room, instead. I tossed my clothes on the bed. Mac following the whole way into the bathroom. He laid down and watched, waiting patiently for me to finish.
My mind was still running away from me. There was no way Carterwasn’tawake by now, probably up and showering, or getting ready to come after me. I wouldn’t get out of here without incident even if I tried. Mac would bark again. Those thoughts had me deciding to rinse off instead and take my time, finding a few things I’d left behind still in the shower.
After drying off and dressing, sans dirty underwear, Mac and I made our way downstairs, where it was quiet and empty.
I was surprised that Carter was still asleep. Maybe my luck was finally turning. I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my keys from where I had left them on the back of the couch. The folder with the papers inside it was underneath my keys. He never signed. I swallowed. Would he actually sue?
A soft rub against my arm startled me, reminding me I needed to get going. I gave BJ a soft pet as she rubbed against me again, walking carefully on the back of the couch.
Mac stayed still behind me, his head tilted as if he was waiting for me to go. But I didn’t budge. Part of me just couldn’t leave Carter like that again.
But you need to.
Go. Move on. Live your life.
But was there really a life without Carter?
The last two months were miserable.
He took advantage of you.
My thoughts were right. I needed to go.
Upstairs, I heard a strangled, “No!” Then I heard his footsteps rushing for the door and flinging it open. Carter camerunning out of his room, pausing on the stairs when he saw me. He continued fixing the sweats he was now wearing.
“You’re leavin’?”
“The deal was only for the night.”
“I thought…”
“There’s nothing here for me, Carter,” I interrupted. The lie tasted bitter. “You and I are from two different worlds.”
“Emmy,” he started, but I held up my hands.
“There isn’t anything you can say.”
“Let me try, please. I’d… I’d do anythin’ for you, Em. I’d leave here and follow you if that’s what you want. I don’t care as long as I have you.”
“I can’t give you what you want.”
