Page 173 of Debts and Desires
“Hi, BJ,” I cooed. Mac’s head snapped up at my voice. He moved fast, eyes finding mine. I could see the sadness leave, happiness replacing it as he pranced over to me, practically knocking BJ off the couch. BJ seemed to huff and sauntered off.
“Hi, baby dog,” I breathed. Mac’s tail wagged a million miles an hour. I missed him so much and wanted to scruff him all day, but it was short-lived.
“Mac, out,” Carter said. Mac scooted closer to me, as if afraid I’d disappear again. I wouldn’t, at least for the night. My heart shattered. Carter snapped his fingers. “Go.”
“It’s okay, baby. Go on,” I whispered. Mac finally pulled away and headed outside, his tail between his legs the whole way. I knew if I could get away with it, I’d take him with me. But there was no way. Carter would never allow it. And I couldn’t do that to Mac.
Carter turned his sights on me.
“You wanna go upstairs or stay here?” he asked, heat in hiseyes. Warmth pooled in my core and I hated how he still had quite the effect on me. But I wasn’t here for that. No. He had been correct when he said I knew he’d make a deal. I was just making it on my terms.
“I agreed to come home with you, nothing else,” I stated. He raised a brow.
“It was implied.”
“Was it? You should’ve been specific then.” I threw his own words back at him.
“You knew exactly what I wanted, Emmy.”
“The only way you’re getting it is if you take it.” I paused, and despite shaking with fear, I looked him dead in the eye. “And we both know you won’t do that to me. At least I hope.” That last sentence killed me to say. His face twisted, as if it hurt him to hear. Good. I wanted him to hurt. There was a long, uncomfortable pause.
“Why did you leave me, Em? What did I do?” He hadn’t figured it out, which was great, I supposed, for his anguish and suffering. But I had hoped he would’ve figured it out. To understand the pain and fear I had.
“I found my purse, Carter,” I answered, the words finding their mark. His eyes widened, mouth gaped. He swallowed hard.
“I don’t know what you’re?—”
“Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I found my purse in your rig… It was you that night.”
“I… found it.”
“No, you didn’t.” I sniffled, unsurewhyit shocked me so much that he’d try to deny it. “You robbed me, did something to my car. You were already out looking for me that night. It wasn’t fate. You planned it that way. You never talked to Tyler about my phone because you already had it. That’s why he was so weird about it. And when I left, I told him what happened. I?—”
“You told him?!” he interrupted, as ifthatwere the most shocking part of this conversation.
“Don’t act like you’re a victim in any of this!” I all but screamed.
“If you hate me so fuckin’ much, why’d you write that song? Huh? Why’d you come back, Em?” He deflected. I didn’t answer. “You could’ve forged my signature like you’d done here a million times. I would’ve never known better. Why did you come back?” I still gave no answer. “You knew I’d bargain with you. You knew what I’d want in exchange. I wanna know why?”
“Because I wanted you to beg for my forgiveness. Forgiveness you don’t even deserve. Because some fucked up part of me still…” I looked away. “You lied to me. You hurt me. I’m sorry that I wanted the closure.” I looked back up, a new-found confidence in my voice that I swore had him almost stepping back. “This was a mistake. Sue me, I don’t care. I’m done.” And I turned to leave.
Carter moved fast, shutting the door I’d just opened. He had me corralled, one hand to the right of me, the other to the left.
“Don’t leave, Em. Please,” he whispered. I turned, looking up at him. The fire in his eyes was all but snuffed out. The tension was insufferable, so I pushed him away, moving him out of reach. He didn’t put up much of a fight allowing me to move him, but he didn’t go very far. I needed to defuse this, afraid that Carter might actually tie me up in his basement forever.
He wouldn’t do that and you know he wouldn’t.
“I shouldn’t have come back here to begin with,” I spat. “You’re right. I did know exactly what you wanted, but I told myself you wouldn’t. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Even when you still did it, I justified it because I still want you… and if it’s in the form of another agreement, then I don’t feel guilty because I know I shouldn’t want you after what you did.” He stepped toward me, but I stepped back again. “Don’t. Please, don’t.” My voice cracked. He froze, not moving at all.
“I would never hurt you, Emogen. I would never… force you.” The sadness in his eye was overwhelming, and we both looked away.
“I can’t do this, Carter.” I closed my eyes, trying to stop thetears. “Coming back was a mistake.Youwere a mistake.” He flinched at my words and I regretted them. He was never really a mistake, but I couldn’t take it back. The air was suffocating. He walked away, breathing unevenly, trying to steel himself.
When Carter looked up, my heart broke more. The unshed tears in his eyes made them look brighter. The hurt across his face was as if I’d reached out and backhanded him.
“Mama told me I was a mistake, then up and left.”
Oh, no… I forgot.
