Page 154 of Debts and Desires
He would.
“Shut up,” I whispered to myself. Mac nudged me again and I lifted my head to look at him, noticing BJ had come in, too. She tilted her head. “I’m sorry, babies,” I croaked. “Mama’s gotta leave soon, okay?” Mac laid his head on my knee and BJ found her place in my lap. “I can’t take either of you with me.” I patted them. “I won’t leave just yet, though. Need to make sure everything’s ready to go first.”
Despite my body’s protests, I forced myself to stand and go about my day as if nothing had happened. And when the moment came, I would go.
60. ESCAPE
December 24
Day One-Hundred-and-Eighteen
Like a caged bird desperate for freedom, I was restless. It took a few days, but everything was prepared and ready. I would be leaving tonight.
“Em?”
I jumped, the cup of tea I had been holding almost falling from my hands.
“Sorry, baby. You alright?” Carter asked. “You’ve been up here awhile.” I took a deep breath, turning to face him as I plastered on a fake smile.
No, you psychopath! I’m not.
“Yeah. Was thinking about some lyrics, sorry,” I gave a small laugh, handing him the tea. It seemed to be enough. He took it, immediately taking a drink. My gaze found its way to his lips, watching as he swallowed the liquid down. That weight of guilt pressed down as he pulled the glass away, a smile growing on his face.
“What?” he chuckled. I shook my head, my grin growing as best as I could make it.
“Nothing,” I lied. I followed him back into the basement to watch our movie.
It took maybe twenty minutes before the sleeping medication started to work. I had slipped it into his tea just before he came to find me. But a part of me, buried somewhere deep, stopped me from taking it to him right away. I was fighting with myself when he called my name, scaring me.
Now here I was. Waiting.
At first, he yawned a lot. Then his eyes started to get heavy. Finally, he stood.
“No idea what I did today, but I’m fuckin’ exhausted.” He leaned down to kiss me, softly at first, then more, until my lips were sore from his stubble. He let out a low groan, palming the bulge in his sweatpants. “But maybe I’ll fuck you first. How’s that sound?” My heart sank. Clearly, the medicine had worked, just not enough. I only nodded, following him up the stairs. I was afraid it’d look suspicious if I did otherwise.
“Fuck,” he groaned.
Despite being disgusted by him, my body still sang every day at his touch. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy the sensations, just ignoringwhowas giving them to me. I could tell he was getting sleepier, fighting it as much as he could. I hated how good it felt, how tempted I was to ignore everything and stay. But I couldn’t.
When he finally gave in and finished, he cleaned me up first and then pulled me into him like always.
“Damn,” he said, voice barely a whisper.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m just… tired.”
“Then sleep, baby,” I cooed. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”
My voice almost gave me away as I forced the lump in my throat to go back down. Carter’s grip loosened some. I went to move away, but he pulled me back, grumbling something. I knew I would need to wait. So, I did. I waited. And I waited, and waited, until I was sure he was out cold.
Carefully, I slid out from under him, every movement measured and calculated. I moved swiftly and silently, my heart pounding in my chest like a drumbeat. Every creak of the floorboards felt like a thunderclap, threatening to give me away. I twisted the doorknob so slowly, watching Carter’s sleeping form over my shoulder. Disarming a bomb would’ve been less intimidating.
It wasn’t until I reached my old room that I allowed myself to breathe, though even then, my breath came in shallow, ragged gasps. I was afraid he would hear it, that he would know what I was doing.
With trembling hands, I retrieved the already packed suitcases from their hiding place under the bed. I changed out of my pajamas into a pair of leggings and a large shirt and then headed downstairs. I’d have to make a few trips. That thought had my heart racing more, afraid I wouldn’t be as lucky the second or third time.
When I stepped off the last step, Mac—who had been laying on his place on the couch—lifted his head and wagged his tail. The movement had BJ lifting her head from her place on Mac’s back.
