Page 33 of Broken Pregnant Mate
The sound of it sends me reeling.
I think about Vern, his hands on me constantly, touching, grabbing, pulling. He never asked about consent—he figured me being with him was consent enough, a constant agreement to be available to him.
At first, I look down, dropping my eyes to the blanket, a movement I’m more than used to, the trademark of my life. Lowering my eyes to an alpha, letting him get his way because he’s higher in the hierarchy than I am.
Allowing the natural, biological structure around us to dictate my life.
I hear Aidan take one step, the floorboards shifting under his weight, and something surges through me—a denial.
My entire life, I’ve let everything and everyone else make the decisions for me. Catch me up in the flow of events, without me having a say in it.
And heat or not, I know exactly what I want—what I’ve wanted.
Aidan.
If I can have him, I want him. Even if it’s just for tonight, or the remainder of my heat. If I can touch him, I might be able to live with the memories of that while he goes off to do great things.
Maybe he was always meant to leave me behind, and maybe I was always meant to think about him, pine after him. I’ve never heard of it before, but maybe there’s such a thing as an unrequited mate. Someone with a mating bond that only flows one way.
Mine flows to Aidan, and his flows away. To his real mate.
And for tonight, I’m okay with that. I have to be.
“Aidan.”
Only a second has passed with my thoughts whirling around my head, and the sound of my voice stops him in his tracks. I can sense his surprise, and I see it when I raise my head, meeting his wide eyes.
“Do you want me?”
I see the words hit Aidan, watch him blink, catch the way his entire body sways toward me, like there’s an invisible string pulling him in this direction. He clenches his jaw, looks away, looking like he’s trying to get himself together.
“Aidan,” I insist, rising up onto my knees, still clutching the sheet to my chest. “Do youwantme?”
My voice breaks, but he looks at me again, expression tortured.
“Emaline, I…”
Now, tears spring to my eyes, and the confidence rushes from my body. “Do you…find me repulsive? Unworthy of—”
“No.” In an instant, he’s in front of me, his hands cupping my jaw, my face in his hands like it’s the entire world. He tips my head up so I’m meeting his eyes again, and he says, desperately, “No. Emaline. You are not repulsive to me.”
“Do you want to touch me, Aidan?”
He swallows, and I track the movement, the gentle bob of his throat. For all the world, I want to lift my hand, press two fingers to that spot, feel it under my fingers. I want to feel every part of him, to know his body as intimately as I know my own.
“Of course I do, Emaline.”
The words hit me like warm bath water on a chilly night. A comfort, a relief, making a giddy little laugh rise up from the bottom of my throat. Of course, he wants to touch me.
“So do it.”
“It’s not that simple.” Once again, he pulls his hands back and away from me, leaving a rash of frustration in its wake, my skin starting to itch without the connection to him.
I got my first heat when I was sixteen. Now, I’ll be turning twenty-two. That’s six full years of pining, wanting, waiting for the chance to touch a man I wasn’t sure would ever want me back.
“It is.” I’m so frustrated that the words come out as little sobs. This room feels like a purgatory, and I start to wonder if, instead of a fantasy, this is actually a nightmare. “Itissimple, Aidan. You want to touch me. I want you to touch me,”—he sucks in a breath, his eyes moving up and down my body again at the words—“sodoit.”
“It’s not that simple,” Aidan repeats, shaking his head, and I think he might mention that other mate, how he wants to remain true to her. I don’t know what their arrangement is, but he hasn’t claimed her. Her scent hasn’t mixed with his, and I’ve never even heard her name. They’re not together, and I know that mates are often with others before they find each other. It affects nothing—the mating bond is more than strong enough to rise above previous sexual encounters.
