Page 28 of From Best Friend to Bride
FRED: Don’t think pulling out the old childhood nickname will win me over.
ME: OPEN THESE GATES OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL RAISE AN ANT FARM AND LET THEM OUT IN YOUR BEDROOM.
FRED: …You’re not exactly encouraging me to let you into my house.
The sound of an engine rumbling behind me drew my attention, and I turned to see Granny’s little red car pull up.
Shit.
Now it was too late.
I had no chance to explain.
Well, I could text him what had happened, but I wasn’t going to. He could consider it his punishment for not letting me in when I asked.
ME: I hope you’ve got a spade. You’re going to wish you had a hole to hide in in approximately five minutes.
FRED: What’s that supposed to mean?
ME: If you wanted to know, you should have opened the gates before our grandmothers arrived.
FRED: DELILAH ELIZABETH WHAT DID YOU DO
I shot back a row of very classy middle finger emojis and tucked my phone between my thighs before driving through the gates Granny had just opened. At some point during my messaging with Fred, she’d driven up alongside me and used her key fob to open the gates, then beeped at me to follow her into the estate.
This was going to be a nightmare.
I hoped Fred had listened to me and grabbed his spade.
Maybe we could have a double grave.
I was going to haunt him in the afterlife anyway, so the closer we were buried, the better for my lazy arse.
I parked next to Granny’s car and got out, taking a deep breath. Granny and Nana were chattering like a couple of excited birds, and I was pretty sure I’d heard the words, ‘wedding,’ ‘grandbaby,’ and ‘three cats’ before we’d even reached the front doors.
They swung open, and Harry the butler bowed his head. “My lady, Mrs Peters, Miss Delilah.”
“Oh, Harry!” Granny said brightly, grabbing his hand. “Fetch us some tea, would you? Bring it to Fred’s office. And some notebooks and pens.”
“And wedding magazines!” Nana added, bouncing in such a way I was honestly afraid she’d pop a hip. “We have a wedding to plan.”
“We do not!” I argued, but my words fell on deaf ears as the two scuttled past the bewildered man with an unnatural quickness.
Harry cleared his throat. “Might I ask for an explanation, Deli?”
I blinked at his kind but confused face. “I have no idea how to give a satisfactory answer,” I said honestly. “Can you do me a favour?”
“What do you need?”
“Please kill me.”
He fought back a smile. “Terribly sorry, miss, but that’s not in my job description.”
I wrinkled up my nose. “Just the tea, then. Slip something stronger in mine, would you? Like a sleeping tablet. Maybe a lick of cocaine. I think I’m going to need it.”
With a huff, I ignored his chuckle and chased Granny and Nana down the hall. They were going so fast I had to wonder if they were breaking a speed limit somewhere. I was sure I’d seen moped scooters going slower than these two pensioners were right now.
“Frederick!” Nana shouted, pushing open his office doors. “There’s my grandson-in-law!”
