Page 62 of From Best Friend to Bride
Torn because I knew that’s what she wanted to do, but because I knew it would also make her spiral like she had right before I’d proposed. It was almost a good thing she was busy. If Deli was busy, she couldn’t overthink, and if she couldn’t overthink, it was one less thing that could stress her out.
This process had been stressful enough on top of Nana’s illness.
I was grateful for it, though. Despite her best efforts to keep a pep in her step, it was clear to see that refusing treatment was beginning to take its toll on her.
She walked a little slower. Smiled a little less. Hurt a little more.
The only true time Deli and I had been alone was when she’d needed to offload and had cried herself to sleep on my shoulder.She didn’t want Nana to see her cry, so Hawthorne House had become her escape through it all.
It killed me every time I saw her. There was nobody I cared about more in this world than Deli, and to see her strong, resilient self break down so often gutted me each and every time.
She was exhausted, too. Nana needed more care than ever before, and we’d all formed some kind of tag team to ensure she was rarely left alone. As Lucy’s pregnancy progressed it’d gotten harder for her, so we’d all stepped in.
Amelia and Henry had parted for the first time in a year so she could be here to help us with everything. I had no doubt Henry would have stayed if he hadn’t had to return to his own family’s estate to work, but such was life.
More than anything, I was just grateful that Nana was still here and well enough to experience the wedding that had consumed our lives for the past few weeks.
And the day she’d dreamt of for so long was here.
It was a strange feeling.
It wasn’t as if marrying Delilah wasn’t anything I hadn’t considered. After my mess of a relationship with Charlotte, I’d thought ‘fuck it’ to myself several times and seriously considered proposing to her. After all, we got along better than anyone, and it would have made my life so much easier.
That was exactly why I’d never suggested it. Marrying her to make my life easier was nothing short of selfish, and I’d never do that to her.
I didn’t have feelings for Deli. Not in the way one should if they were to get married. I’d never seen her as anything other than my best friend. She’d always stayed firmly in that little box, never growing closer as either a crush or a sister-like figure.
Just… Delilah.
Just my best friend.
Of course, I wasn’t blind. She was gorgeous, and she had a heart of absolute gold. She could warm any room with one little laugh, and I was thankful every day that she was a part of my life. She was there for the best times and the worst times, and she’d dropped everything more than once to be there when I needed her.
I didn’t know what I would do without her.
And yes, I loved her.
But I wasn’tinlove with her.
That spark that everyone around us insisted existed had never flared to life. Even when we’d shared our first kiss together when we were teenagers, there’d been nothing to it. It was almost scientific, with us both figuring out how to do it so we could pursue the people we liked.
We’d watched and guided each other through all kinds of relationships. Flings, short-term relationships that didn’t work out, longer-term ones that ultimately crashed and burned. She was the one who’d picked up the pieces of my life when my engagement to Charlotte had shattered when I found out she’d cheated more than once, and Deli was the one who stood in front of me like a guard dog when Charlotte kept trying to win me back.
She was comfortable. Our friendship was comfortable.
I feared this change as much as she did.
Feared the newfound intimacy that came with being husband and wife.
Even if we had no plans to consummate this marriage or change anything whatsoever about our relationship dynamic, there was no guarantee it would stay the same.
Wife.Husband.
Those words rolled around my mouth, almost too heavy to form on my tongue.
They held so much weight.
So much promise.
