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“Just as well you have a big-arse house,” the woman in question said, sauntering into the kitchen like it was her own. “You need it to store that mammoth ego of yours.”

“Deliiiiii!” Mel ran over to her and cupped her face, squishing her cheeks. “How can you marry this charlatan? Is he tricking you? Does he have something on you? I have contacts, you know.I can take him down and help you escape. Blink twice if you need me to get you out of this sham marriage.”

Deli peered down at my little sister. “I nee you hoo yet go oh my hace.”

“What?”

“She needs you to let go of her face,” I translated.

“Oops.” Mel switched from squishing her cheeks to squeezing her waist, snuggling in close to her. “Sorry. I just can’t bear the thought of you being forced to marry my brother.”

“Yes, yes,” Deli said, gently patting the top of Mel’s head in a soothing manner. “I know exactly how you feel, my dear.”

“I’m right here,” I drawled.

“I know. I said it for your benefit,” she replied. “Are you offering anyone any tea, or are you just going to sit there drinking your own? Where are your manners, Fred?”

I sipped. “I was waiting for you.”

“How did you know I was coming?”

“I got a shiver down my spine, and it didn’t feel like anything good, so it was a simple conclusion to arrive at.”

“I will gut you like a fish while you sleep,” she ground out. “Mel, Henry, would you like a cup of tea? Since Mr. Tall, Rich, and Good-Looking with a Big-Arse House over here isn’t going to make any, I suppose I should offer.”

“Look at that, you’re acting like the countess already,” I quipped.

She shot me a dark look.

Henry blinked between us. “You two are already acting like an old married couple.”

“Thank you,” I said brightly, fully knowing that would piss her off.

“Please do not insult me like that,” Deli said stoutly. “And why does everyone keep saying that? Aunt Vi was saying it yesterday. As if Fred’s ego isn’t suffocating enough, must I also be smothered by this utter bollocks?”

“Leave my Delilah alone,” Mel grumbled. “Henry, stop being mean.”

“It was merely an observation, babe,” he said to her. “I don’t suppose that tea offer still stands, does it, Deli?”

“Oh, I’ll make it,” Deli answered, extracting herself from Mel’s koala-like grip. “Whether you’ll drink it or wear it is still up for deliberation.”

“Hmm. I’ll take my chances.” Henry grinned and took a seat at the island. “Mel, leave her alone. She’s only marrying your brother, not taking a one-way trip to Mars.”

“I’d rather she was. Marrying whatever little critters live up there would be far better than marrying my brother,” Mel said.

“Hey, I’m starting to take this a little personally.” I glared at her. “What’s wrong with marrying me? I’m a catch, you know.”

“She knows,” Henry said. “She’s just grouchy because she had to listen to two of Mum’s guests at Sophie’s birthday party waxing lyrical about you all weekend. They kept begging her for an introduction.”

My sister pushed her hair away from her face and sniffed. “As if I’d ever introduce my brother to them. He’s far too good for them.”

I raised my hand to my neck and rubbed it. “Ouch.”

“What’s wrong?”

“You just gave me whiplash.”

“I’ll give you a—”