Page 11 of Arranged Obsession
I should be used to this feeling. This bitter, horrible numbness. This hatred boiling my guts. I’ve been steeped in it all my life, ever since I was little and learned how to kill.
This is different though. It’s like the world knew I had one decent thing in my life, and now it’s going to take her away.
My feather. My saint.
Sold to my little brother.
The idea makes me so fucking sick I could vomit.
“Cormac? Are you alright?” Mom’s staring at me. Now they’re all looking in my direction.
I shove back from the table, hands shaking. “Fine. Just had a hard night. Is that all?”
“We were hoping we could all have dinner together.” Mom partially rises, looking concerned. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine.” I turn away, struggling not to snap at her. Mom doesn’t deserve my rage. Nobody does, except for my own foolish self. “Congratulations, Finn.”
“Yeah, thanks, bro. Seriously, you’re looking pale.”
“I’m going to head home and get some rest.” I leave the dining room before anyone can say any different. What’s it matter at this point if they think I’m weird?
I’m already Cormac the Ghostman. The family’s personal monster.
“Hold on a second.” Mom’s voice as I jab at the elevator call button. Fucker can’t come fast enough. “Are you sure you’re okay? That girl, Bianca?—”
I cut her off. “I just need some time alone. That’s all.”
“Right. Okay.” She touches my arm. “I love you, Cormac. You know that? I’m happy you came tonight.”
“I know.”
“And this thing with Finn, it’s just for the family. That’s all.”
I stare at her, inwardly cracking to pieces. “I wish him nothing but the best. Why would I care either way?”
“Right. Of course.” She smiles at me, but it’s empty, and I wonder what she knows. How much of my pain she can see. Our mother was eighteen when she had Declan, and she barely knows a life before we were in it. She knows us all better than we know ourselves.
I’m tempted to confess. Tell her how sick her second oldest really is. Tell her all the sins, all the darkness, all the horrors and the freakish obsessions, and maybe she can absolve me. At least maybe she can understand.
But I say nothing, and the elevator arrives.
Chapter 4
Bianca
Ican’t bring myself to tell Kate first thing. I woke up planning on breaking the news about my upcoming marriage and leaving Grace House, but I’m too much of a coward.
This place has been like a second family to me. The idea of leaving feels totally wrong and terrifying. I know they’ll be fine without me. Kate will find someone else to take my shifts, and the extra money will be enormous for them, but still.
It’s like I’m letting them down.
Instead of having the hard conversation, I throw myself into my usual volunteer shift at Grace House. Which isn’t easy, but at least it’s rewarding. I clean the bathrooms, help with intake forms, organize the bills, and make sure Kate cut the right checks, and even put in some more babysitting time. By the end of the day, I’m exhausted.
But I can’t put this off forever.
“You’re still here?” Kate glances up from her desk, frowning slightly. “Better run before I give you another job.”
“Please do. We both know I have nowhere else to be.”
